Emotional Breakdown
I had one of those emotional breakdown things last night. I think the stress from working too much, still not having any money, and every damn piece of machinery I own breaking down, just started to get to me.
He was there though, and even though through a phone, it was like he could just kiss my tears away. Even some of his friends were concerened for me. Of course you might have seen my very pissy away message on AIM *chuckle*.
I don’t know what it is, I think dealing with the fact that I’m getting older. I mean I’m still a youngin, I’m 22, but I’m not a teenager anymore, and I realize I have to go in some sort of direction, but I have none.
I’ve decided to look for another job. I have no qualifications, really. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t want to be someones secretary for the rest of my life. And as much as I love the job I’m at now, it doesn’t pay nearly as much as I need just to get by.
Of course to get any qualifications, you need money. I really want to go to college because I feel like my education is so low level compared to anyone anymore. He is so smart, he got a scholarship to a major university. Most of my friends go to college. And I feel inferior. I have a craving to learn, a big craving. The furthest I can get as far as learning anything is books. I buy two books a week now, and read them. Most of them are on witchcraft or paganism, but if I could start buying other books…
I cried, I feel so weak when I cry, when I try to be so strong. I told him it felt like everything was just going wrong for me. He told me that he would help me look for a job, that we would look together because he needs to find one too. I’ve found one possibility for a web designer, but I have no faith in my skills.
Well, that was last night anyway. Melissa asked about the baby hawk. I had called some places over the weekend, but holiday set in and I couldn’t reach most of them. One number didn’t work anymore, and one does plan to come up and retrieve the hawk. I gave them directions, but they haven’t shown up yet. Until then the hawk has been enjoying a buffet of live mice. The piggy. I also discovered the world of 1024×768 last night thanks to Cayla.
He really was great to me last night…
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4 Responses to “Emotional Breakdown”
May 31st, 2002 at 11:03 am
I know what you mean. Now days you really do need at least a bachelor’s degree in order to get a worthwhile, meaningful job. Some fields you aren’t really qualified until you get a masters or a doctorate. Anyway, have you given any thought to what sort of studies you’d be interested in? What is your dream career? Good luck, whatever you decide to do. I’m sure you’d do fine in college. As long as you have the will to learn, you really can succeed at anything. Morgan has a learning disability, yet he just graduated with a high GPA and plans to go on to Grad school. He just REALLY wanted to learn (and go into religious studies, like his website). Oh, as a side note, I’m glad to hear the hawk is fine.
May 31st, 2002 at 1:03 pm
You shouldn’t doubt yourself, Crys. You’re an amazing person.
Glad to hear you’re basking in the new resolution :).
May 31st, 2002 at 7:07 pm
crys,
you have all my support in what you want to do. go to school! study whatever until you find something you like. be a business major and open up your own little pagan shop or corperation. write books on paganism, be a theology major. do whatever your heart tells you. i know you will succeed.
don’t feel like you are inferior. we all start life at different ages and stages.
the time is now girl
June 1st, 2002 at 12:02 am
I know how you feel. But, remember this … Crys. You are truly an extraordinary person and I believe in you. Always remember that you are amazing. You are. You are so full of potential and I believe you could do anything you set your mind to.