I’m plugging Kyra because I love how she writes, and she’s one of my new daily sites. I found her through my Merry Meet clique.

Still no cable It’s really frustrating.

I was going to call my boss this weekend about the raise, but Steph’s mom said I should do it in person. But if I do it in person, my boss will like, pierce my soul with her evil gaze or something. She’s just a little old woman, I can take her, right?

Might see Fireworks tonight, I should convince you to go along.

I’m trying to find ways of explaining pagan spirituality to my sister. I bought the book “Circle Round” by Starhawk, which so far seems to have some decent ideas. Although Jeanie found a pretty unnecessary story about teenage sexuality written by a 14 year old in there. So I’m going to refrain away from that obviously. And of course I don’t need her running to my mother and telling her all about witchcraft either. Not that my mother could really do anything.

I miss my sister She’s not over here enough. I need to know that Vernon is taking care of her, that she’s being raised properly. He just doesn’t provide her all of the emotional things she needs, you know? He gives her the basics, which is more than I could say for my mother when she had custody. Thank the powers that be that she doesn’t anymore. But she needs to know that she can talk to people, she needs people to take her places and someone who will play with her and compliment her. Her father just doesn’t do these things enough.

I chickened out on the raise again. But today is Friday, maybe I can do it today.

Went to see Scooby Doo last night, it was cute, the plot was a little ‘wtf’ but there was a scene with Shaggy and Scooby where they had some burping/gas contest that had everyone rolling.

Cable modem still isn’t fixed, I think someone is coming over today to re-route my line. I feel sorry because Stacey uses my AOL account since I have cable, and lately we’ve had to share it so I have a way to get online and I think she’s getting frustrated with me. I don’t usually stay on too long though.

Have I mentioned I hate rude people?

Well, I was going to ask my boss for a raise today, but I chickened out. I guess I’ll try tomorrow.

I went to that job interview for the babysitting at 7pm like I was supposed to, but damn if no one was home. I’ll call her tomorrow and ask her what the fuck is up. I’m beginning to think I can’t take the job anyways. *sigh* I WANT to keep my job I have now, but I NEED more money.

Apparently a young 16 year old girl applied over the weekend where I work. She’s requesting $6.50 an hour. Elizabeth started -me- out at $5.30 an hour, and I’m only up to $5.45 now, so I don’t think this girl is going to be getting what she wants. I don’t know why Elizabeth is so god damn dense about these things. She thinks that people will work for her for breadcrumbs and she’s fucking lucky that I’ve stuck it out this long on the crap pay she gives. I mean OLGA made more money than me and she was nothing but a bump on a log. I want at -least- $6.50 an hour, but I’d like $6.75 or even $7.00. If she isn’t going to give it, I’m just going to have to leave. I’m worth more than this.

She does other crap that’s been bothering me a lot lately. Like sometimes we’ll have these stones that are a little dusty, and in order to see if they’ll shine up, she spits on them, and then sticks them back in the pile. I mean…..what the heck? She also brings her dog in all the time, who is spoiled and if he doesn’t get what he wants, he’ll start tearing the store a part, and she WILL NOT discipline him. Today he needed to go to the bathroom, and instead of taking him outside, she told him to just go on the floor and she’d just wipe it up.

Ugh. Other than that, I like working there
My friend Steph, whom I haven’t seen since February stopped by just as I was leaving work. She invited me over, so we watched “Fast and the Furious” which I have to say is a fucking good movie. I stayed over there till about midnight. She lives in your neighborhood Jeanie Ah, memories.

On the way home some idiots decided to be stupid. Four guys in a small mini metro style car were tailgating me coming home, and eventually got into the lane next to me once I got into Westminster. Then for some stupid reason they shot in front of me to get into the lane on the OTHER side of me. I mean what the hell. This little fiberglass toy car cut in front of my 1978 fullsize ford bronce beast of steel. How stupid can you get? I didn’t slow down either because I am not tolerant of stupid shit like that. Why do kids do that anyways? I can understand wanting to cut loose once in the while, but what in the world do you gain by being complete and utter dumbfucks? It’s like they don’t care if they die. It really pisses me off.

So yeah, that was my day. Now I’m just waiting for ‘him’ to get home, if he does, and hoping he’ll call me.

Man have I been emotional this past week. Crying all the time, worried about every single little thing. ‘He’ is such a darling to put up with me, but he makes me feel so much better.

I talked with my dad last night, told him everything, about how I wanted a divorce, etc. I cried, and he told me everything would work out, because it always does.

I saw an ad in the paper for a babysitter, and since I’m in desperate need for a new job that pays more, I called them up today, and I have an interview tomorrow night. It’s only a summer thing, and only $200 a week, which is actually more than I make now. Tomorrow I’m going to talk to my boss and tell her that since she won’t pay me enough that I am going to have to go with another job. I’m hoping she will give me a raise. Preferably $6.50 an hour, which is more than $1 more than I make now.

I’m also going to try to get up early and stop by the community college to pick up some papers on what the -hell- I’m supposed to do to register and whether or not I can get financial age. I’m hoping they’ll have someone there to help me plan and figure all of this out because I just can’t do it by myself. Do they have people like that?

I’m trying to deal with this seperation anxiety that I’m having too. I’m doing well with it I think, but I still have a ways to go. I just hope ‘he’s’ patient with me. I <3 you Jeff.

Okay, time to update.

My cable has been out since like Wednesday, and I won’t have a repair guy coming out here till next Wednesday so I’m forced to suffer the wrath of AOL dialup *cringe*

‘He’ and I were having some issues, mostly me, really. I still kinda am but he’s been helping with it some. I guess I get worried about what will happen when he goes away to college this fall. He’s been doing a lot with his friends lately, and I don’t want to lose the time I had with him. I don’t want to be put aside, you know? But we’re working on it, and I believe it will get better. I’m just having seperation issues. He’s spending a lot more time with his friends, and I guess I’m afraid he’ll want to do that instead of spending time with me. I need him.

Speaking of college, I’ve decided to go. My friend Emily convinced me to do it, and I’m going to try. This is a huge step for me, and I have $0 money but I’m hoping I’ll get some financial aide or something. I have no idea where to start, or even if I can get finished by fall, or where I will be working once it starts. I plan to start at the local community college here and work my way up. I just hope I’m not too old I guess 22 isn’t that bad. I’m hella nervous though. Any tips or advice would be great. I hope they have people there I can talk to about planning my college future and stuff because I know -nothing-.

My life is pretty out of control right now. Not all of it bad, but most of it very new and scary.

I’m having a really rough time right now. Really rough. I will try to put up an entry soon.

Update in the other journal.

I am broken.

New layout, simple but functional. Of course I still have a few things I gotta work on with it, I’ll get to those when I can.