So I’ve decided to make this a test. Mostly a test on my own willpower, but also my abililty to trust people. I realize I hardly trust anyone, and with good reason. But how do I ever expect to have a lasting relationship if I can’t trust someone? I don’t even trust my own family.

This does -not- mean however, that I will open myself up for more abuse. I want you to understand that very clearly Ex #4. Compromise.

If even by trusting you, I feel like things haven’t changed, then I only have two choices. I can either stay miserable and hurt, which I obviously don’t want, or I can get rid of the burden entirely, and start fresh. But there absolutely -has- to be some sort of effort on your part. COMPROMISE.

Well yesterday was pretty hectic, at work anyway. I made a few minor mistakes, got blamed accidentally for something I didn’t do, which was later straightened out. So I wasn’t very happy about that. But today I did everything right, and even impressed myself with how well I handled things. So yeah, I’m definitely keeping this job.

One of the girls who works there, her husband is apparently harassing her a lot. She recently left him because he’s a -fucking- -asshole-. He tried to hit her with a truck the other day. He called in today (before I knew about all of this) and asked if she was working. Luckily she wasn’t, so he asked if we could give him her number because she just recently moved out. I -knew- you weren’t supposed to give out personal information about people, but because this was her husband, and I didn’t know the situation, I wasn’t sure. So I asked my supervisor, who of course said that I shouldn’t. I told the guy that and he got all pissed off and asked to talk to my supervisor and then started cussing her out on the phone. Psh, drama. Asshole, let him talk to me again and see what happens.

That one cat that was in ICU and looked really pathetic was apparently taken home. His name is Bally. I’m pretty pissed off about it. He’s obviously completely miserable, and I still almost tear up when I remember what he looked like in that oxygen tank. They should just put him down, but people will do what is best for them and not their animals. Blech.

I was watching the news about all this baseball strike crap that will supposidly happen. I’m sorry but that shit pisses me off too. I mean what the fuck, do they not make enough millions already? And now they want more? It’s really sick when my father and I can sit here and scrounge for food, and you have people on the streets living in cardboard boxes, yet these fucking baseball players can demand more money? For playing a -game- that my 2 year old cousin could play. Makes me sick. To hell with the World Series, I’ll be damned if I ever watch Baseball again.

We had a big funeral not far from here today, the first woman officer in Maryland to ever die in the line of duty. A shame, but she’ll always be remembered.

So by my little tracker thingy here…..I have at least two local people reading my journal regularly. One with a carr.org IP address, and another with a comcast.md IP address. Do I know you people? Drop me a line or something
Speaking of people, this whore-bitch from highschool came into work today to apply as a receptionist too (we’re short a decent number so we need a few more). I had to laugh because this girl used to try and give me a lot of shit in highschool. I don’t know why, I never did anything to her, but she was a bitch to everyone so I don’t think I was special. Everyone at work was making fun of her make-up because she looked absolutely ridiculous. Like a 5 gallon bucket worth of crap on her face. Blech. I don’t think she’ll get the job. I’m better at it anyway.

Trying to decide on what breed puppy I want to get, if I can. So far I’m trying to decide between a Pug, or a Min Pin (Miniature Pincher).

Wow, first day of work today, and I really love it. I got to hold kittens and pet some of the animals. And there are two abandoned puppies there that need adopting, so I might adopt one. Apparently their former owner abused them pretty badly. One was so covered in ticks and fleas it was almost dead. But they are both in fine health now.

One thing I didn’t like about the job though was seeing all of the animals in ICU. There was this one cat that looked so pathetic, it was drooling and sagging, and dripping everywhere. It just looked miserable. I think they are going to put it down tonight though, poor thing. I almost cried it looked like it was in so much pain.

The job seems pretty straight forward. Just learning all of the forms, types of appointments, and vaccinations seems a little overwhelming.

There seems to be a bit of…..’drama’ in the office too. Two employees quit recently and 4 may get fired for either just not showing up or not doing their jobs, stuff like that. So I can see why they were desperate for me I want to stay out of the drama though.

Everyone seemed to like me and I really enjoyed it, so I think it will work out great.

So I want to expand on my site a little. Not sure what I want yet, I have the ask section, which I will redesign soon. What is ‘hip’ in the journal world these days?

Job interview today at 1:30. Send me luck!

My friend Brian sent me this just now, had to share:

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for…

It is about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs…

{B} - Barely there.

{C} - Can’t Complain!

{D} - Damn!

{DD} - Double damn!

{E} - Enormous!

{F} - Fake.

Yes, I enjoy this new layout. No matter what I seem to be going through, it’s as if I can look at it and feel even a smidgen better.

Depression just seems to be getting deeper. Called some more places today about getting a job, two of them are supposed to get ahold of me to set up an interview. Dad came home today after speaking with the landlord about some papers he has to sign so my father can get disability. Problem is he wouldn’t sign them without talking to someone first to make sure it’s legal. Yet another delay to further the possibility of us living out on the streets.

I called Alex today, told him to try and take out a loan for about 3k to last us until we get a regular flow of money coming in. I’m not so sure that we’d be approved for a loan though. I hope one of us gets a job, soon.

Dad is already talking about moving in with his brother. If that happens a lot of things would change. No more crops, no more animals, no more cable, maybe no more internet. No more long distance phone bills probably. No more life.

I’m going to do everything I can to not let that happen. I will work at McDonalds if I have to. There has to be a job somewhere.

*sigh* Writing this makes me feel worse. Jeff tried to comfort me as much as he could but, he got frustrated and didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I can’t blame him. Why would anyone want to talk to someone who is nothing but negative anymore anyway.

So I’m facing all of this alone. Not a soul to talk to about it. Sometimes I wish my sister was older so I could spill everything to her and know that she genuinely cared.

Tomorrow I will get up early, print out a few copies of my resume and go around looking for a job. It’s about all I can do. I guess I’ll call unemployment too. I should have done that sooner. Damn me for not.

I am just hanging on by a thread.