Well I went to the pagan meeting, but it was rather boring. I mean I like to talk and discuss things, but it’s like only one or two people seem to ‘guide’ the conversations, and then that’s it. Okay so tonight we talk about divination, runes, tarot cards, stuff like that. But all we did was talk. I want to watch and learn. Learn spreads, different types of divination, I want to see it, you know?

I know a few people were complaining about the same thing. Hopefully things will pick up.

Afterwards I spent some money in the shop, and then my friend Sati and I got into the owners hot tub, along with the owner, for about an hour and discussed upcoming activities. Of course those two were buck naked. I……am just not comfortable being naked in front of people I don’t know that well. Sati I probably wouldn’t mind because I’ve known her for years. And I don’t mind other people if they want to be. But it’s just not for me. So I stayed clothed They offered me some beer, but for one, beer is nasty, and two, I decided a while back I wasn’t drinking anymore except perhaps meade for ritual purposes only. And even then it’s only a sip or two.

Okay I need to get out of my wet clothes, hot tubs are nice in clothes, but when you get out, and drive half an hour home, and it’s raining and chilly, it’s fucking cold.

Well I took another step towards independance today, I finally opened my own checking account that my husband can’t touch About time, now that I have the money to do it. At least now he can’t spend my money anymore. And I have beautiful Oriental Script on my checks too.

The odd thing is, the past several days have been very grey, clammy, cold. Just walking outside is like diving into a sick dampness that clings to your skin. Weather like that always makes me think that the world is walking on eggshells, including myself. I’m careful walking, careful driving, and everything is quiet, like we’re all trying to concentrate. It stayed this way while I walked into the bank.

The moment I stepped out, I was pretty distracted with my new found pride of having a checking account seperate from my husbands. But once I arrived home I saw that the clouds were no longer hanging over my head like a pendulumn, but in fact cleared away, and allowing little patches of blue to show through. Of course I smiled and selfishly acknowledged to myself that it was a sign of better things beginning to show through the clouds.

I’ve been fretting on something for a while. How do you deal with knowing that a friend is getting involved in something bad, and doesn’t know what they’re doing. And to add to the plot, you may be the one that started it unknowingly? And what if you can’t be open with them about it because they might fly off the handle? Grr, I need to rethink some of the decisions I make from now on. I just hope they can think for themselves
Ex #4 was positively romantic and wonderful last night and today. Yet another cloud has disappeared.

I gave my dad an allowance today, I had to chuckle. $60 to buy some food for the animals and the rest to spend. I had it to spare, I had $400 in my pocket
I’m debating with myself on whether or not to go to the Cafe today for the weekly pagan gathering. I should, and I want to. But something is holding me back. I hope I figure out what it is. I may just go anyway.

So I’ve mentioned about the whole newspaper article (I think) on the pagan group that I meet with every Friday, if not, here’s the article: Page 1 Page 2. And I’ve mentioned how after the article was released, that two Fridays ago we had a bunch of Christians waving around the article saying “The Devil has come to Taneytown” outside the cafe, and how last Friday they were pacing around the cafe and praying for us.

Well apparently today in our newspaper a Christian decided to write an editorial on the pagans, and it goes something like this:

“Nearly 30 years ago a gang of Emmitsburg youths attacked a witch’s coven practicing their rituals on a nearby mountain. The story told around town was of a bloody beating given to the witches who made no attempt to defend themselves. The young men involved in the attack felt they had done the community a great service in driving those evil Satan worshippers from “our” mountain.

I grew to adulthood knowing of this great deed. Imagine my surprise to learn that pagans, witches, meet at a Taneytown coffee house that my family frequents!

So what have I done, a follower of the teachings of Christ? Did I take my family from the Irish Moon coffee house in outrage? Have I joined in a boycott of the establishment? Am I praying for Taneytown to be delivered from this evil? Am I trying to convert these lost and confused souls?

Nope. I’m talking to them, listening in on their discussions, making friends among them, reading their books, and feeling really stupid for not bothering to learn about them years ago! My friends who “defended” Emmitsburg would have behaved very differently had they stopped to learn what the coven was really about.

I hope the good people of Taneytown and Carroll County will take the time to meet their pagan neighbors. It would be a shame if a handful of ignorant people were allowed to drive these peaceful practitioners of a state recognized religion out of town.

My wife would have to find a new source for a “good” cup of coffee, while I’d despair for lack of interesting conversation.

Jack Deatherage, Jr.”

This makes me very happy. -THIS- is what it’s all about. Christians, actually no, people of ANY faith willing to accept those of other religions for who they are, are welcome at my doorstep any day.

I am in an ecstatically happy mood right now. I’m listening to great pagan music, I had a great day at work, Ex #4 and I seem to be doing great, things seem to be in the right harmony for me right now. Except my bronco is acting up a little but no worries about that.

Although we did have one dog come into work today that was apparently full of maggots. A German Shepherd. I didn’t get to see him full of maggots, but I saw him after they had shaved him and he had all kinds of large holes where the maggots had dug into his skin. Blech. I mean wtf, how do the owners not notice hundreds of maggots on the rear of their dog?

Well either way, the dog seems to be doing a lot better. Everyone seems to be doing a lot better. Blessed Be!

I’ve sat here and looked at my journal every day since Friday and have just had no inspiration to write anything in it. It’s not that I didn’t have anything to write, I’ve just been..sorta empty. But I feel a little better now.

As for the drumming circle, Jeanie and I had a lot of fun. There was a group of Christians holding hands and pacing up and down the sidewalk praying for us. But the owner of the Coffee House brought out his bagpipes and started playing “Amazing Grace” so they left. It was pretty funny

My sister has a bronchitis infection, she sounds horrible when she coughs, almost like she’s coughin up a lung. Poor thing.

My father and I were sitting outside enjoying the cool weather of the new season, and I almost had a hummingbird run into me twice. It’s a rare site to see one buzzing right next to your head while you’re sitting still. But it put me in a very calm mood. It was almost as if it was celebrating the coming of fall with us.

The woman who adopted the two puppies I wanted called, she doesn’t want both of them anymore, just one. However I found out that the anal woman handling the adoption actually wants people to sign a legal CONTRACT before receiving the puppies. Now, does anyone else besides me think she’s completely psycho?

Doing reviews for Pick Me is beginning to become a hassle. If people don’t get their reviews fast enough, who do they come to, to bitch? Moi. And I’m taking a breathing before I put up an update about it because if I was to speak my mind to them right now, I’d tell them where to shove their website

I’m about to get a shower and head over to pick up Jeanie so we can all go to a drumming circle tonight. I’m taking my sister with me too I’m so happy.

We had a lot of emergencies at the hospital last night, two animals were hit by a car, one of which had some of its insides protruding from its skin. Blech. Actually the weird part was his owner was someone I went to school with. So while the doctors were working on the cat I stayed and talked with him and comforted him a bit because he was worried. I don’t even remember this guy hardly from highschool, but hot damn. Where were all of these good looking guys when I was still in highschool? There’s this other guy Brian, who is a Technician at work most evenings, and besides the fact he can be an ass to other people (at times) he and I seem to get along -okay-.

I dunno, I wish I met these people, or met Ex #4 before I got married, before I started making stupid decisions like that. I think my life would be totally different right now. Which could be good or bad.

When I married “Ex #1″ I moved out of my mothers house, leaving my sister there. My mother, in turn, started dating stupid people (Like Pete) because she can’t stand being alone and can’t do the chores around the house by herself. So she married a convicted child abuser and rapist, and everyone had to suffer and go to court, my sister had to be put through all of this trauma. I’m in a huge debt due to a Visa bill that “Ex #1″ charged up. And even now, we’re both working fulltime jobs and he takes out at least a $100 a week to spend on ‘things’ and buys all of this useless stupid shit we can’t afford.

All because of one stupid decision on my part, marrying “Ex #1″. Who I can’t even stand anymore.

I don’t want to make a stupid decision like that again. Absolutely not. When I get married again, to whoever that may be, it’s going to be with someone that I know I can spend the rest of my life with.

I am going to be -very- sure before I’ll even -consider- marriage again. No more stupid decisions for me. I’m not going to be so dependant on someone, who doesn’t even care about me enough to stay faithful to me. I’m not going to be dependant on someone, who treats me like shit. It just isn’t going to happen.

Sorry, I know I’m ranting. I’m a little concerned about the relationship between Ex #4 and I lately. I think mostly concerned that the fact we hardly worry about spending time with each other anymore, just doesn’t seem to bother me. I’ve been hanging out with my old friends, I’ve been taking care of myself, working hard, meeting new people. I just don’t know what I want to do now where Ex #4 is concerned. He parties every night, I’m usually working or hanging out with my friends. I just don’t feel the ’spark’ as much anymore. Sure I feel it a little, but….it’s different now.

I’m sure things will work out the way they are supposed to eventually. I just hope it’s for the better. I’ll just walk the blind path until then.

Sarah, girl, I think I might need a little help with this Moveable type stuff, because when it gets into the database configuration, it has me all confuzooled.

I have to work 3 to 10 the rest of this week, not bad I suppose. At least I get to sleep in instead of waking up at the butt crack of 5:30 in the morning.

One girl that had quit last week at work came back, so that is going to take a load of pressure off of my shoulders. No more 13 hour days for me hopefully Plus that means I can go to the drumming circle this Friday. I’m still debating on taking my sister though. I really should…though my dad says Taneytown isn’t exactly the -nicest- place to visit. And having fanatic Christians picketing us being there, isn’t exactly the -nicest- welcome. Live and let live.

Do you plan to go Jeanie?

To explain: I worked 26 hours this weekend. 13 on Saturday, and 13 on Sunday. Talk about insane. Not to mention I don’t have another day off until NEXT Saturday, woo. *faint*

To add to my exhaustion, one of the Doctors is a -bitch- and there were so many times I wanted to just deck her. I don’t need to be treated like that shit, I’m paid to be there just the same as she is, just because she’s a doctor doesn’t mean she can’t kiss my ass.

They gave me easy hours Monday and Tuesday though, so I’m happy about that.

I’m thinking about installing Moveable Type so it’ll take care of all of these blogs because installing greymatter over and over for people can be a hassle. Especially when I find out that some parts of Greymatter never work properly anyway. From what Sarah was telling me, MT is extremelly versatile and you can branch off many blogs (at LEAST 12) off of it. Woo.

I’ve been missing my sister a lot lately. I haven’t seen or talked to her in so long. I thought about it last night and I feel like a really horrible sister. I really need to start trying to spend more time with her if Vernon wouldn’t keep giving her to my mother.

I was going to try to take her to the cafe this Friday, but if those churches start to picket us pagans, it could get nasty? I don’t want her to be in any danger, hell I don’t want to be in any danger myself. I was talking with my dad a little about it last night and he said that the article probably shouldn’t have been run because it’s just going to stir up a hornets nest. I suppose he’s right, makes me grateful my name wasn’t published in it because people can be really stupid and ignorant when it comes to religious tolerance. Unfortunately. This is in the country that PROMOTES religious tolerance, mind you.

Well I have a big ol FUCK YOU to anyone has a problem with someone else being a different religion than themselves.