I’ve been in sorta of a dark place this last week. Ex #4 tried to dump me this past weekend. After a lot of crying I convinced him that we should take things slowly and see how they go. I am scared of losing him. He’s convinced that we may not have much in common anymore and that our lives are heading in different directions.

I think he’s failed to realize that he isn’t the only one that has been changing. I’ve changed too. I used to wear a lot of torn jeans and band t-shirts, and I’ve somewhat started liking more feminine things. He’s gotten me into a lot of techno music when I used to be a hardcore hard rock/classic rock fan only. Now I’m both, how clever. I used to want to own a big ranch in Montana and be a simple farmer. Now I want to see the world and experience new places. However I still worry about my father and sister, but when the time comes for me to make a decision about where to go, I’ll decide it then. I have a career now that I’m working on, and you have college. We both have things we need to get through before we can be together for good. But it’s well worth the wait. There isn’t a person in this world I feel more comfortable with.

Tomorrow I am joining a gym. My friend Stephanie and I are going to go there in the morning virtually every day. I think it will be good for me.

Ex #4, I love you more than anything. I know you think we’ve grown a part because you’re in college now and you’re starting to have your own life and friends over there. But that doesn’t change the way we feel about each other. We’re growing together, not a part. Things are changing, but we are changing with them. Don’t give up on us yet, now is the time that we need each other the most. It’s like……..the world will always be changing around us until we’re old and gray, but we’ll always know that we’ll have each other. You’re still my Ex #4ers, and I’m still your Cryssal. No amount of parties, music, or residence is going to change that.

I’ll love you forever.

A gay couple came into work today to put their dog down. They were bawling. I felt so bad for them, and I could hear them in the room when the dog finally stopped breathing. It was really heartbreaking, I teared up myself. I am very fortunate to not have had to put any animals to sleep. My dog Sarah who died like 3 years ago, and was older than myself, died in her sleep. My cat Tom, who I got when I was 4, died last year peacefully in his sleep too. I adore all of my animals. I just couldn’t do it.

Listening to the news right now, we’ve had either the 8th or 9th sniper attack here in the Maryland/Virginia area. How many more until they actually catch him? It’s so random I don’t know how they’ll ever catch him. I’m sure eventually he’ll slip up, but I hate to think how many people have to die until then. Makes me worry about when I stop for gas, or when my dad mows the neighbors lawns, or even when my sister goes to school.
I plan to actually update my site for once, imagine that. A few sections have been left unattended for far too long. So I’ll see what I can do.

I don’t know what would posses someone to go around shooting random people. And now to shoot a 13 year old boy? Jeff always jokes about how people in Maryland are crazy, and I’m starting to agree with him

You know what would really piss me off? I thought about the aunt of that boy today, she had just dropped him off for school, witnessed him being shot, which means she had to be in the same vicinity as this ‘killer.’ If it were me, I’d be so angry because he’d be RIGHT THERE somewhere, and I’d know it. And he got away.

Work is stressing me out a little. I’m trying to get off work this Saturday for the Renaissance Festival again. They better give it to me, or I just won’t show up.

I haven’t been able to spend much time with Jeff because we’re both busy, but we haven’t been fighting so I guess that’s a decent enough trade. Though apparently I’ve been pissing people off for things I have no control over. Like I really need to deal with that right now.

When my friend Steph invited me over for dinner the other night, she tricked me. It was a Pampered Chef party. I tried to make a run for the door, but it was too late. Too too late. Oh the agony. I felt like I was surrounded by Martha Stewart wannabes. They were old, and clucking. But I did get some nifty things since I -do- like to cook. But I think next time I’ll be more cautious.

Which Witch? Witch

Wild and beautiful, you are a Witch. You can feel the tides, the moon, the air, life itself.
You use the strength of your will, and the quickness of your mind, to bend and shape your reality.
Magick is a part of you, and you are a part of everything else.
Evil? No.
Amazing? Yes.
Which Witch Are You?

Quick update before I head out for the night after just getting home from work.

Had an alright time at the pagan meeting last night, got there late, was stuck in AMAZING traffic, I don’t know what happened. Bought my dad his first Yule gift, hopefully I can get everyone done before the end of November.

I was supposed to go to the Renaissance Festival today but no one would fill in for me. Pisses me off BIG time. I may try to convince my friends to go next weekend.

I hate the fact that my work seems to be preventing me from having any type of social life. It doesn’t stop me, it just exhausts me.

My friend Steph is having some girls only dinner tonight *boggle*. And then I might see what my friend Jake is up to later tonight, even though I have to get up at the ass of 5am.

Oh, and I’m gonna try to adopt a pug.

<3 Ex #4

There’s a big shooting spree going on in Maryland at the moment. Pretty scary.

I have off tomorrow, but work keeps trying to call. I shall not answer the phone!

Watching CSI at the moment, very good show. It’s hot, I feel pulsatingly warm, my eyes are puffy because I was crying a few hours ago. Ex #4 and I had a huge fight, but hopefully we’re alright now. A misunderstanding of course.

I’m trying to come up with ideas for a gypsy outfit for my sister for Halloween. Something she’ll like, but also something she won’t be too cold or uncomfortable in, if the weather happens to sway that way. Any ideas?

At the pagan meeting tomorrow, we’ll actually have a Coven there talking about circle casting. I’m pretty excited. I’ve never actually seen an elaborate coven during ritual. I’ve only been a part of a small, casual coven that mostly gathered around campfires and spouted blessings from a piece of paper that had been passed out to everyone. Most people wore what was comfortable, nothing elaborate. But it did serve its purpose. I’m interested into something more ritualistic though.

I’m pretty exhausted from work, or I’d try to blog about more interesting things.