Samhain Ritual
I really had the best time I’ve had in a long while at the Samhain Ritual. There were so many people there, and I was able to bring my sister.
I got there early and hung out around the campfire, talked with some friends, messed with my guitar a little, and met a -lot- of new people. Ed’s Farm, where this took place at, is such a beautiful farm. It’s not only huge, but it has the highest peak in the county where a gorgeous handfasting took place about a week and a half ago. I plan to go up there as often as possible, I just felt at home. It reminded me of our old farm.
Once people started arriving, and it started getting cold (and I mean fucking cold), we all cuddled around the bonfire, roasted marshmallows, hotdogs, and warmed up a lot of coffee and cocoa. People brought a lot of food such as home made stews and chilis, and we all pitched in for about 10 pounds of the best slow cooked beef you’ve ever had.
When the ritual began, we all gathered in a huge circle with our candles and offerings and did our thing. It was a very pretty ritual, I enjoyed the singing.
Afterwards we ate some more, drank -lots and lots- of meade, and drummed. I drummed until my hands were frostbitten and then I had to take Sister home. But I really did have a wonderful time. I certainly didn’t want to leave to go to work this morning 
I felt at peace 
I’ve realized that coming home has been depressing me. And that worries me because I love my home here, I love our woods, I love our flowers, it’s like my own private forest space. But when I come home, I start to worry. I’m reminded of my bills, of Ex #4, of all the things that have been stressing me out. And I don’t want to imbed that in my head, that coming home means being depressed. I should enjoy where I live, I shouldn’t make coming home the opportunity to worry over everything. But I feel like I shouldn’t be home anymore as much as possible. At least at work I’m too busy to worry about anything but hurt animals. When I’m out with my friends, I’m too tied up in having fun, and when I’m at the gym, I think about Ex #4, but in a good way. About how he’s my inspiration, and it always makes me do that one extra minute, or do that one extra lift.
I miss him, but I’m leaving him alone. I guess he needs it. What I need right now are a few good friends, a good time, and a few drinks. Maybe we’ll both get along better afterwards after we’ve spent this time away from each other. I hope so anyway.
Mom is starting her psycho crap again, not really another thing I want to open up but I don’t really have a choice. She’s being petty and obnoxious about having to pay child support for Sister. She called me up whining that “Vernon never lets me see Sister (which is bullshit), and yadda yadda and he yelled at me yadda yadda.” Yeah whatever. You called him an asshole for reporting you for not PAYING child support, serves you right.
I’ve thought about going to the doctor about my anxiety and depression. But I’d hate to think I’d have to be one of the people who are on a prescribed medication for depression. Though I was on valium for a while when my husband cheated on me. Perhaps an herbal remedy? I mean dammit I have to have enough control over my emotions to be able to deal with my depression on my own, right? Maybe some meditation..
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One Response to “Samhain Ritual”
November 3rd, 2002 at 10:53 am
I’ve always thought about seeing somebody, to see if i could really use medication or therapy or both.. Then again, my mother’s really into herbal and natural cures, so that helps me some. Steamed Ginsing tea works miricles for just about anything..