Surreal
I’m staying home today because I’m sick. And I don’t really think I could work anyway, not after last night.
Everything is so surreal to me. I cried so much last night, and I still have a few tears falling in little spurts today, but I can’t really feel anything. I have this sense of loss but I’m so numb that I can’t really feel the pain. I’m just so incredibly unstable. I just want to make it all go away 
Want to know the reason we broke up? Because I loved him too much. He thought that I clung to him, and he didn’t think it was a good thing. I always thought that when you loved someone, that clinging to them for support was a -good- thing. I thought that we were supposed to be there for each other through thick and thin. He made it sound like something dirty, but it wasn’t. It was beautiful. It’s what being in love is all about, being there for each other, growing together.
Why did I do this to myself? Why did I allow myself into this relationship in the first place? I should have known, and I’ll beat myself up a thousand times for doing this.
I still love him so much, I can feel it all over. What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to cope? There has to be a way to just, make it all go away.
I’m so confused. I hate making these types of entries, but I need to do something before I drive myself crazy.
I’m going to go lay down.
Entry viewed times. Posted in Romance
3 Responses to “Surreal”
November 11th, 2002 at 7:04 am
Hon, if you need to talk, you have my number, okay?
November 11th, 2002 at 11:30 am
aww hun, try to get a lot of rest and fluids and soup.
Love… everyone feels it differently… To repeat the famous quote… it is better to have loved and be loved… than to never know love at all.
November 11th, 2002 at 2:00 pm
I’m going to write you a long email hopefully first thing tomorrow morning, but for now, I just wanted to leave a huge *hug* and well wishes.