Neglecting my domain
I hate the fact that I neglect my domain. I mean I pay for the damn thing, I should use it. By the way, go VOTE!
Thanks goes out to: sK, Patti, Lisa, Jeanie, Ellsie, Sarah, Mitch, Jenna, Cayla, Stacey, Melissa, Dru, Candice, Minnie, and Bob. All of these wonderful people have in some way left a message or spoken with me about probably the most difficult time I will ever have to go through right now. They’ve comforted me, they’ve offered solace. They’ve just been a friend when I’ve needed one. I really hope that you’ll visit them because they are very special people.
I haven’t been home at all this past week, except to catch 4 hours or so a night of sleep before heading to work the next morning. I’m pretty exhausted. I just don’t want to be home because I’ll let things fester about Ex #4, and who knows where I’ll end up.
I want to get everything out, I just want to spill all of the words with a few quick stroke of my keys here and feel better about ranting it all. The feedback that I get from people assuring me that I am indeed a person who deserves to be treated with respect, tends to help my motivation too.
But….unfortunately, I just don’t really want to stir it all up right now. I’ll feel empty afterwards. If I release it, I’ll be clinging onto something to fill in that rage that I’m holding inside. And then I’ll get depressed, and it’s just no more good.
I will say tho, that Ex #4 has been treating me like absolute shit lately. For a few days there, he was being my friend, and supporting me to help me deal with all of this. But now he’s just downright childish, ignorant, and rude. And I don’t even want to be his friend if he’s going to be like that. I just can’t deal with it.
Maybe it’s best I shut him out of my life for good? I still love him, I want nothing more than to stay friends with him. But how can I allow myself to be stomped on all the time? Why would I want to? Why does he want to be like that? Why does he think I’ll take it?
*sigh* I hate questions.
I did go to see Harry Potter last night. Was it me or was the second one a lot more…..I guess gory than the first? For little kids anyways. I mean there were spiders and snakes being stabbed and snake teeth stabbing Harry Potter and it was just, weird. I mean it was good, but……..weird. I’ve also seen “The Ring” and “I-Spy” over the weekend. The Ring was very disturbing, but good, and I-Spy was funny as hell.
I’ll be updating my site and cliques and all of that jazz soon, hopefully. I want to get some more hostees in here.
I wish he wouldn’t treat me like I’m nothing 
Entry viewed times. Posted in Romance
9 Responses to “Neglecting my domain”
November 20th, 2002 at 2:50 pm
do NOT EVER devalue yourself to that sweetheart..you ARE soooooo much better than that! no WOMAN should ever have to measure her worth against a man’s love and attention…he’s obviously a d*ckhead, to say the least…why do you want your heart to mourn still for someone who does NOT even deserve YOU?
you are stronger than you’d think..
don’t ask me how i know.heh..just a feeling..women evolve their relationships too much around men that they forget what it’s like to relive their lives and regain their independence.. =\
TRY to not mope over him.. kay? *HUUUUUUUUGGGZ*
November 20th, 2002 at 5:44 pm
You’re not nothing. If he treats you like that, he’s really not worth it. You deserve the person that will treat you like you’re everything. You’ll find him.
November 20th, 2002 at 8:19 pm
I wish I could explain why I still have these feelings for him. I wish I knew why, myself. I guess I’m still in love with the person he ‘used’ to be. And I don’t want to let that go? I don’t know.
November 20th, 2002 at 10:43 pm
Hehehe… I think I was right on referring to Minnie to you.
Am just going thru it right now… The other one was a different one so there’s nothing much.
Thanks for the plug. =)
HA HA MINNIE! I GET FIRST IN THE LINE OF PLUGS! By height! (am so shallow)
November 21st, 2002 at 12:11 am
Glad I could be there for you, doll. You’ve done a lot for me in the past and I couldn’t call myself a friend if I wasn’t willing to do the same.
As far as Harry Potter is concerned, yeah it did. If you read the books though, you’ll find that the books start to get gradually less child-friendly as you go on as well. The third book features these creatures that suck your soul out with their kiss. And in the fourth book they actually kill off a student. I want ruin it all for you. You’ll have to read or wait to watch.
Wood is hot.
November 21st, 2002 at 12:12 am
“Maybe it’s best I shut him out of my life for good? I still love him, I want nothing more than to stay friends with him. But how can I allow myself to be stomped on all the time? Why would I want to? Why does he want to be like that? Why does he think I’ll take it?”
Honey, I know exactly how you feel. It’s so hard. But you’re strong - I know you’ll be fine. It will take a while, but you will move on. ::hugs:: Thanks for the plug. Hope to see you at the meeting this Friday.
November 21st, 2002 at 12:40 am
Hey, I linked to your journal from Melissa’s last week. I’m sorry things are so rough for you right now. Time and friends. That’s all I can reccommend. Just don’t abuse yourself by talking to him and spending time with him, when he isn’t willing to do anything to help you. It is hard to console someone you hurt when you don’t want to take back the thing that hurt them… Sad but true. So maybe you shouldn’t purge him from your life forever, but it sounds like the healthiest option for now. Other than that, just stay strong and know that you are brave and tough and have what seems to be a valiant heart.
November 21st, 2002 at 2:24 am
aww kitten, most likely, seeing him, talking to him, could harbor some sort of subconcious hope that everything will be back the way it was, when times were good, the other people have something going with the purge him from your life, just for the time being.
I know all of us are here for you.
November 21st, 2002 at 5:05 am
Hey, don’t worry about thanks.. we’re “family” and you’d do the same for me right?
Good to hear you being a little more postive about things, and the only thing that’ll make things stop hurting is time I’m afraid to say.. 
I got faith in you though, you have a strong will..