Frustration sets in
Things are getting so frustrating lately.
Paulie seems to be the only one knocking some sense into me lately, it’s a shame he wasn’t around last night cause I could have used it.
I’ve just been in a lot of pain. I don’t know why I’m so stupid sometimes. Like last night I was talking to Ex #4 and he convinced me to open up to him, and when I did, he completely ignored it. He never said a word, never inquired, nothing. I just don’t get it, why ask if you didn’t want to know? Why make it seem like you care and want to help and understand, and then blow it off? Even as a friend that’s not something you should do. And I needed a friend.
I wish I knew why I was having such a hard time getting over Ex #4. I wish it were easier. I wish I didn’t fall so deeply in love with him that I have to deal with so much pain right now. And I keep ending back where I started. I have all of these questions and things that I don’t understand. I have so many things that I want to know or that I suspect, but I can’t ever ask. So I’m always in this swirl of doubt and worry. Do you know what that can do to a person?
blah. I need help.
The concert the other night was great, as I knew it would be. Lord of the Ring comes out in three days, and I’m psyched to see it. Then again I’m not, because it was a big thing that Ex #4 and I also shared together and I’ll be wishing he were there beside me.
I saw a hawk swoop down from the sky the other day and slam into the snow. A bunch of snow flew in different directions while he flopped around and then took off with a yummy mouse in his talons. It was quite the site, considering the hawk is my totem.
I haven’t done hardly any holiday shopping yet. I hate shopping, but I guess that’s my goal for the next week. We’re also have a big solstice gathering Sunday that I have to help prepare for and create an old family recipe for.
Right now I don’t want to be around Ex #4.
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4 Responses to “Frustration sets in”
December 16th, 2002 at 12:50 pm
Join Us!
December 17th, 2002 at 4:40 am
the domain name simply rock the world!!! i love the name on how it’s pronounced.. ah whatever =P
December 17th, 2002 at 2:20 pm
There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn’t expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don’t go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever.
December 17th, 2002 at 2:26 pm
-hugs you-
in pain of love you are not alone. you will never be alone. it just feels that you are because all of us thinks of ourselves.
but we’re here