I am proud of myself. I have been running around ragged and emotional the past few days due to a little event that happened between Jeff and myself. I won’t go into it here because I don’t think it will do any good if I did. But suffice to say, he did something that really ruffled my feathers. And my being the emotional rollercoaster I am about such things, I was a complete mess. But through the advice of my friend Myk, I handled the situation maturely and talked it out with Jeff without any sort of anger or vengefulness. And for me, being the bitchy little Aries that I am, that’s a big deal. So yes, I am very proud of myself, the situation is settled, and we have moved on. Hopefully.

Sometimes I worry that I may not get out there as soon as Ex #4 would like. Sometimes I worry that he might get frustrated with me because of it. Please be patient with me.

Geez I never realized how much stress I really do have in my life. The court mess with my mother, the long distance relationship with Jeff, my divorce, taking care of my father, and the newly created stress at work. Where is my release? How exactly have I been escaping from all of this? Jeff is a big part of my release, being able to talk with him. The rare event of drumming circles I attend. I guess the coffee house on Friday nights is sort of a release. I just don’t know.

I’m going to start planning a trip to Illinois this spring. I’ll have to price hotels, plane tickets, all that fun stuff. I hope things work out until then.

Come on guys, keep the votes coming!

That crazy lady who comes into work, Rose, apparently her dog died last night. She brought it in as an emergency, and the poor thing died around 2am this morning Crazy shit though, is that she took the dog home afterwards to sleep with it………..bleeeech. Then she kept bringing it into work wanting us to look at it, and I’m just like, what the hell? I don’t know if she should get another pet or not, she probably tortures the damn things.

It’s probably about 0 degrees out. I’m sorry, but the arctic can keep this weather. It can stay where it belongs. BRING ON SPRING. I’m so ready for this year. It’s going to be so much fun. So many rituals and gatherings planned. I’m going to try to get my sister more, and now I have my puppy.

Speaking of my sister, I’m nervous about court on Friday. Send me some good vibes?

A helicopter game

Looks like Jeanie and I both got nominated for Domain of the Month and we don’t know how *rofl*! So I guess vote for us! I had stopped applying for DOTM because I’d always end up like 3rd place. Frustrating.

I inherited some very very bad news from Ex #4 yesterday. I’m not going to go into specifics about it to save him from anyone bugging him about it, but it was something I honestly did not ever expect. And he and I talked through it last night, like adults, which was good. And hopefully things will be okay for both of us.

I blew up on Joe yesterday, I apologize.

“Ex #1″ stopped by last night to email his resume to some new job offer. He’s so computer illiterate I hate having him over here, and right now I’m very pissed off at him anyways because he managed to lose $170 of my money. Isn’t that grand
Money is extremelly tight anyway right now, I have $40 to my name till Friday when I get paid. And even then I have so many bills to pay. February 17th needs to come sooner than later so I don’t have to pay my dads bills anymore.

I hate how I don’t have anything thoughtful to write about anymore. Maybe I just don’t think. I know I usually numb myself just to get through the day. Like a robot, I go to work, do my thing, maybe have a few laughs dependant on who I’m working with, I come home, check my email, talk to Ex #4, and usually that’s the only time I sit down and let myself feel things, while talking to him. Sometimes I hate being this way though because if I’m a robot most of the day, it means I’m missing out. My days are going to go by too fast and one day I’ll wake up, and half my life will be gone.

So today was Wendy’s Coming of Age Rite of Passage. I wish I could really put into words how much fun I had. In fact, I’m going to try, so you’ll have to deal.

The rite started off with the women kicking the men out *ha*, and preparing for the ritual. We played with each others hair, wove a wreath of red flowers for Wendy to represent becoming a woman, and went over a summary of the ritual.

We then sang a song while we walked into the ritual space, the women dressed mostly in black (for crone) and red (for mother) while Wendy was dressed in white (for maiden). We did our little ritual thing, and then sat down and shared special stories about being a woman that we all experienced. Mine was about how I decided to get engaged at 16 and married at 18 and I tried to tell her always to think things through and be patient because there are so many things that you don’t realize you’ll regret later on. Like getting married. And to never let any guy treat her any less than she deserves. We all told our stories and tied a knot in this red cord for each story told, which she was to keep on her altar.

Then we celebrated her passage into womanhood by piercing her ear, feasting, and then showering her with womanly gifts. I gave her a necklace and some crystals I had gathered, some incense, and incense holder, and a velvet pouch.

Being around so many women of different ages, really did a lot for me. Some of us broke down in tears at the sheer joy and reminicing. Most of us were never given our own Coming of Age ritual, so it really meant a lot of us to participate. I personally never felt so much like a woman, and so much a part of a sisterhood than I did today. I am so very grateful for being able to take part in the ritual. I look forward to holding one for my sister.

In other news, Ex #4 is home now, and I got to talk to him for a few hours tonight, which completed my happiness and ended whatever depression I had been in while he was gone. He’s so good to me. When he’s not GONE FOR A WHOLE DAMN WEEK [end bitterness]

The only part of the ritual tonight that wasn’t good, was Wendy’s mother didn’t show up. And celebrating your daughter becoming a woman is a big deal. That’s like…….missing her wedding or something. I was pretty disappointed in Virginia for not going. She should have made the effort to be there for Wendy. Sati was pretty pissed off too, which is understandable since she put so much effort into it.

Court is on Friday, I’m kinda nervous about it. I have to meet up with Vernons lawyer just to go over what type of things are going to be discussed about Sister. Of course I have to always assume the worse and be worried that my mom might get custody back, but I know in my heart she won’t. She’s just too psycho.

I’m annoyed with a hostee at the moment. I really need to vent about it but can’t *laugh*. Oh well, it will pass in time.

<3

I’m sad. I’ll have to explain why later. Right now, I must go out for the night.

So my friend Sati is gonna be here for a few days. I kinda like having her company, not to mention she’s gotten me to clean my room which -really- needs it.

She had to leave her house because our friend Virginia, who she lives with, has two daughters, Wendy:13 and Amy:10. Wendy is actually the one having the Coming of Age Rite this Sunday. Anyway, Amy has been really cruel to Sati, telling her how much she hates her and wants her to leave because Sati disciplines them and makes them do chores. As any parental figure would. So she just decided to up and leave. I don’t blame her. Children don’t know how mean they can be.

The scary part is, Amy is apparently blocking out EVERYTHING that happened when Tony molested her and her sister. Obviously this isn’t good for her, it’s like she’s denying it ever happened. I don’t know if they plan to put her into therapy or what.

Haven’t heard from Jeff since Sunday, he’s at his fraternity Hell Week. And I miss him You’d think he’d attempt to contact me but……ah well. I just don’t think he tries hard enough. I understand they keep him busy during this week, but they can’t prevent him from calling me 24/7, you know?

Supposed to go out in a few, probably 9pm or so to hang out with my friend Jake. Not sure what we’re going to do. It’s almost weird introducing my pagan friends to my highschool friends, but hopefully things will be alright.

Cleaned my room for a bit today….have you ever noticed how when you clean your room your spirits are kinda lifted? I feel like that now.