Since I obviously can’t voice my opinions on my own journal without catching a load of flack, I removed the entry on organized religion and put it somewhere else where I hope people will understand it’s my -opinion-. I don’t write my journal for you, I write it for me. So I profusely apologize if it’s not always something you want to read.

Things at work have been getting out of hand, we’re supposed to have a big meeting today to sort it all out, which I’m not really looking forward to. It will end up more like a bitch fest. But I guess it needs to happen.

Jeff and I have been extremelly stressed out. Sometimes we take it out on each other, which can get harsh. He’s stressed out about college, I’m stressed out about work, and we both acknowledge that we’re the high point of each others day, but for some reason we’re still holding onto that frustration. So it blows up. I feel really bad when I’m being bitchy to him, I’m sure he feels the same. I’m just not quite sure how to stop from doing it. You get so overwhelmed by emotion, I guess it’s just not like me to stop, take a break, and say “Hey, lets not do this.” We had a long talk last night though, so maybe we can work though it.

I went over my friend Coryn’s house the other night and got wasted. They were trying to teach me some of these drinking card games like “Asshole” and “Circle of Death.”

And as I’m watching Price is Right this morning I see that our terror level has lowered from orange (high) to yellow (elevated). Are these color codes posted somewhere so that we know what they mean?

i hurt myself today

to see if i still feel

i focus on the pain

the only thing that’s real

the needle tears a hole

the old familiar sting

try to kill it all away

but i remember everything

what have i become?

my sweetest friend

everyone i know

goes away in the end

you could have it all

my empire of dirt

i will let you down

i will make you hurt

i wear my crown of shit

on my liar’s chair

full of broken thoughts

i cannot repair

beneath the stain of time

the feeling disappears

you are someone else

i am still right here

what have i become?

my sweetest friend

everyone i know

goes away in the end

you could have it all

my empire of dirt

i will let you down

i will make you hurt

if i could start again

a million miles away

i would keep myself

i would find a way

Friday Five:

1. What is your most prized material possession?

Either my computer, my guitar, or my drum. If you mean actual objects. Otherwise, it’s Ex #4.

2. What item, that you currently own, have you had the longest?

I have some toys from when I was an infant. I have a tendancy to not want to throw things out so I have a lot of old stuff.

3. Are you a packrat?

Unfortunately, but I’m working on it.

4. Do you prefer a spic-and-span clean house? Or is some clutter necessary to avoid the appearance of a museum?

I prefer a medium. A tastefully ‘lived in’ house that’s clean.

5. Do the rooms in your house have a theme? Or is it a mixture of knick-knacks here and there?

Well, this is my dads house, so everything is done in ‘old west’ style. My room is done in ’shove as much of my belongings as possible into one room’ style.

Haven’t had really much of importance going on. I’m starting to resent my job a little. We have a new person in charge of things, and she isn’t really my ideal boss. There’s still some tension between myself and another girl, and I’m not quite sure how to solve it. She’s one of those “My way is the only right way” type people. And I’m one of those “Shut the fuck up, you’re the same damn level as everyone else you arrogant bitch” type people. So you see the conflict. I don’t like anyone telling me how things should be done when I know how to do my job.

I had a really weird dream last night. Some young guy down the street had put monster truck tires on his 79 Ford F-150 and decided to run over our house with it. It didn’t crush our house or anything, but he kept tearing up our yard and the neighbors yard. So I got out my dads shotgun, and shot him. And then I felt bad and went out to help him, and then things get a little weird….lets just leave it at that.

I’ve been having an urge to start fresh lately. Like, pick up and move to a new place, find a new job, meet new people. I’m not really sure why. Is it possible for a person to get tired of where they are living? Or even what side of the country they are on? I mean I like it here, sure. My family is here, friends are here. But it’s almost like a minty fresh feeling when you go on vacation, and I guess that’s what I’m wanting right now. Maybe it’ll pass.

Is it just me, or is the sticker that is placed over the CD cases impossible to remove properly? I’ve never been able to pull one off in its entirety. My ex-husband “Ex #1″ could do it fine.

I had a 102 degree fever yesterday. Had to call in sick to work. I feel okay right now, a little stuffy. What pisses me off is they tried to call later demanding that I come in.

“Well, you -have- to come in”

“Bullshit, I’m sitting here with a 102 fever, I’m not coming in”

“Oh come on Crystal, we’ve all been sick this week.”

“Sorry, not comin in.”

heh. Wasn’t my boss, just a co-worker, but it still pissed me off. In the 6 months that I’ve been there, I’ve called out TWICE. Once in….November? And yesterday. I’d say that was a pretty good record. Not to mention all the times I’ve worked for OTHER people.

2 feet of snow outside so far, and it’s still snowing pretty steadily. I love it. It hasn’t snowed like this in quite a few years. Now if it would just rain a lot this summer so that our lakes don’t dry up. I drove by one of the old lakes on Thursday when I went to get pierced, and it was still so low.

Sorry, I’m too sick to really write anything of substance.

Oh and another thing on top of that.

I don’t appreciate being dumped as a friend for this 30 year old either. They don’t go with me to things anymore, we don’t talk, it’s like I was just tossed aside for some fucking………highschool crush.