Sarah and I have made a pact. Whichever one of us wins the lottery or gets enough money saved up first, is going to buy a huge piece of land in Pennsylvania, build the Practical Magic house, build several lodges for other pagan moms who are in financial difficulty, and create a pagan commune consisting of mostly women, and we’ll all dress up in togas with flowers in our hair, grow lots of herbs, worship nature, and raise our children pagan.

You know, I just want to tell all of these bills to fuck off.

Car Insurance = $600 + $450 for being cancelled due to a bounced check. Plust $7 a day since April 30th I believe.

Sears Bill = I don’t even know anymore, probably $1,000.

Cable = $270.86

Phone Bill = $222.95 which is the one bill I don’t mind being high, and this is for several months worth. Should go down now that Jeff is back home due to us having a $20 a month, unlimited long distance call plan between the both of us.

IRS = $103.61 = Apparently I didn’t finish paying what I owe for my taxes

Bank = $280 = Account is withdrawn by that much though they make take off the penalty fees which would reduce it by about $180.

Total Estimate = Approximately $3,000

Not to mention gas and food money. So yeah, I’m a bit screwed for a few months.

Blech, how depressing. But I’m going to make Alex help kill some of this, especially car insurance, IRS, and Sears since they are half his anyway.

On a bright note, since I don’t have many anymore, I got a little package from sK today! It’s a cute little recycled notepad that says: “Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow” - Helen Keller. How very cute, thank you so much sK for the belated birthday present It certainly brightened my day, and trust me, I needed it today.

For the fundraiser to help pay Dani’s hospital bills, we raised about $650 between approximately 15 of us. That kicks much ass and will at least be somewhat of a help. I certainly wish her much luck.

I’m starting to have a few ethical problems with work. I mean, I love my job, I was a little hesitant at first, but I’m really catching on with things, getting paid well, and I like the people. But my boss is a real cheapass. And by cheapass I mean, for example, most hospitals have to pay for a service that comes in and takes all of their used needles away and disposes of them properly by incinerating them or some other means. But instead, my boss doesn’t want to pay for the service so he has people wrap them in newspaper and throw them in the trash. Yes, this is illegal, no I haven’t reported it or I’d be out of a job.

That sounds so horrible to say, and I feel really guilty about it because I feel like I’m putting money before the environment and I swore I’d never be that type of person. I was telling Jeff today though, I would quit, but it wouldn’t make much of a difference if I did because he would just hire someone else. I want to just stick with the job and hopefully make some sort of a difference. The doctor really is only in the business for the money and with some help from myself and the technicians, hopefully we can make things somewhat better around there.

I hope these bill collectors are understanding when I call them and say I can only make a partial payment for now. All except Car Insurance, they are ignorant bastards.

I was asked by a client today if I studied Wicca. And tho I don’t necessarily study “Wicca” per se, and don’t consider myself Wiccan, I told her yes because what else am I going to say? “No, I just consider myself pagan, not Wiccan, you see there’s a difference yadda yadda.” It’s just unecessary. Apparently she wants me to talk with her 18 year old daughter who has been reading up on it for about a year now, and act as sort of a guide? Mentor? I’m not sure which. The woman even said she was interested in it and has been wanting to find out more information.

Now I’m a little torn. The technician warned me that her daughter and herself are kinda……not necessarily slow, but somewhat odd. And I’m not sure if I want to get involved with all of that. Maybe a few phone calls but I don’t want to act as an actual teacher or feel like I have specific obligations. And I wouldn’t want to put time into something that most likely wouldn’t evolve into anything anyway.

Not to mention my sister is getting older, and now that I have weekends off I really want to put most of my energy into teaching her and preparing her.

I’ve been watching a lot of movies based in Africa lately, most include different tribes and cultures throughout Africa. And it really gets me thinking about how much I would enjoy a job where I was to study these different tribes and cultures. To be out there in the raw open land where the bare roots of survival are. I just love everything about it. I know Ex #4 doesn’t share my same views, not even close. And I’m pretty sure this will remain just some fantasy, but at least I can imagine, I guess.

I’d write more, but I’m at work, time is limited.

An interesting piece of history. I was looking around for pictures of old temples and their history and I ran across the Sedlec Ossuary.

I am absolutely facinated by this church and definitely plan to visit there sometime. It is in the Czech Republic and decorated entirely by human bones. Real human bones, about 40,000 sets of them, that were dug up by a half-blind monk (and probably some other people) to allow room for “new guests.”

My friend Coryn was telling me about this neighbor of hers that has goats, who keeps feuding with her other neighbor who has this large dog. The neighbor with goats thinks the dog has been killing off his goats, and he warned the owner that if he catches the dog, he was going to shoot it. Well apparently yesterday he caught it, and followed it around all morning till he was able to get a good shot. Coryn heard the gun go off and ran outside and heard the dog screaming in agony. And the guy shot it again, killing it.

On one hand this really pisses me off. To go through such extremes and kill the poor animal. At the same time I’m pissed off at the dogs owner for being so irresponsible and not keeping the dog on a chain or a fenced in yard or -something-. Especially after the guy warned her repeatedly. The dog didn’t deserve to die, and I guess I blame both parties for allowing it to happen.

Work is actually going well, I’ve made a few mistakes, but then again I just started. I just wish I didn’t feel so defeated when I made them. But I’m determined to stick it out. This really is the perfect job for me. The head technician said she would teach me things I would need to be a technician, which is wonderful. They have this black kitten who is about 5 weeks old, named Fagen, that is up for adoption. I’m thinking about adopting him because he’s so cute.

Not really much going on, I’ve been sleeping a lot lately, heh. Getting up at 5:30 in the morning is doing a number on me but I figure I’ll get used to it. I’ve also been planning my herb garden, I’m pretty anxious to start one this year. *yawn* Enjoy
Stolen from: Stacey

If I were a stone, I would be: amber

If I were a tree, I would be: oak or cherry

If I were a bird, I would be: hawk

If I were a machine, I would be a: truck

If I were a tool, I would be: hammer

If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a beautiful scented wildflower

If I were a kind of weather, I would be: the perfect spring morning with the sun reflecting off the dew

If I were a mythical creature, I would be: unicorn

If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a guitar or mandolin

If I were an animal, I would be a: wolf

If I were a color, I would be: red or green

If I were an emotion, I would be: determination

If I were a vegetable, I would be: carrot

If I were a sound, I would be: waterfall

If I were an Element, I would be: fire

If I were a car, I would be: bronco
If I were a song, I would be: Something that speaks from the heart

If I were to trade places with another person, it would be: Melissa, over the last year she’s become an idol of mine.

If I were a movie, I would be: Something medieval

If I were a food, I would be: Beef Jerky

If I were a place, I would be: in a forest, next to a waterfall

If I were a material, I would be: leather

If I were a taste, I would be: chocolate

If I were a scent, I would be: Sandalwood or Patchouli

If I were a religion, I would be: A Native Tradition

If I were a word, I would be: strong

If I were an object, I would be: a drum

If I were a body part I would be: the eyes

If I were a facial expression I would be: a smile

If I were a subject in school I would be: music

If I were a cartoon character I would be: she-ra

If I were a shape I would be a: circle

If I were a number I would be: 8

If I were a month I would be: April

If I were a day of the week I would be: Saturday

If I were a time of day I would be: Noon

If I were a planet I would be: the moon

If I were a sea animal I would be a: Mermaid if fantasy, orca otherwise

If I were a direction I would be: north

If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a swing hanging from a tree

If I were a sin I would be: lust

If I were a historical figure I would be: a memorial

If I were a liquid I would be: fresh water

Gah! It was too good to be true!

Lets study our government for a moment:

My father quits his job last summer, due to his doctors recommendation. “You either quit, or you keep working and lose your leg.” I had JUST gotten my measly $8.00 an hour job and he and I were both living off of nothing but that. Hardships, yes. I worked my -ass- off.

We wait the 6 months for disability to take affect, and during that time, he gets paid $100 a month. Like anyone can live off of that these days. Social Security is supplying him with health insurance because he cannot afford his own.

February, he gets his first disability check for around $1500. So we’re going to get about $1500 a month. He just finds out TODAY that they’ve cancelled his health insurance because now he makes too much money. And what’s the kicker? They say they’ll ‘consider’ letting him back on it after he spends at least $6000 on medical visits, etc.

And my dad seriously needs his health insurance with all the problems popping up lately.

So what the fuck is with this god damn system?

My friend Dani has a bloodclot in one of her lungs and is now in the hospital. The worst of it, she has no insurance, and little money to care for the obviously retarded hospital bills.

So a bunch of us from the Druids Grove are going to have a Dani Fundraiser with bellydancing, chocolate linghams, and other little fun things to raise money for her to pay the bills with. Should be a lot of fun, I think I will harass some of my friends to give some money as well.

I had forgotten what it is like to have weekends off. What a nice feeling it is to get up at 9am instead of 5:30. It hardly feels like it though with the lingering fog and mist we’ve had every morning this week. Most times I can barely see going to work. Right now it is very cool, somewhat damp, but it feels really good. I can still see a blanket of fog in the field across the road. Something about fog makes me want to wear a white dress and twirl around in circles barefoot. Probably just a childhood fantasy but still. This weekend I have done absolutely nothing. I’ve cleaned a little, played a video game or two, but mostly just enjoyed being me. Enjoyed the feeling of being ‘okay’ and having time to myself. It’s been a while since I’ve been ‘okay.’

My cousin Stephanie is trying to convince me to move to Pennsylvania. It is much cheaper than Maryland, and less developed in some places. I’ve actually been giving it some serious thought. I want to build my own house on a large plot of land where I can have many animals. I think once I get some finances straightened out, I will look into getting a loan to do so. I don’t expect it done anytime soon, not even within the next year, but I will be looking into it.

I don’t know how this will interfere with my plans with Ex #4. He still has to finish college, I stilll need to develop my career more. My original plan was to try to find a small place in Illinois, with him. And he refuses to live in a desolate place with nothing to do and no ‘high-tech’ jobs. So of course I’m torn. It’s not like there aren’t jobs in Pennsylvania…I mean you have Philadelphia, Pittsburg, and it’s a lot closer to New York or New Jersey, depending on what part of it you live in.

I’m just thinking too far into the future, it’s so far off I don’t even know why I’m stressing over it. Right now I live here, helping my father, and saving money. Speaking of my father he’s been having a lot of allergic reactions lately, I’m not sure if it’s because of the medication he’s on or what, but it really worries me. Especially his legs, he’s always had a lot of problems with his one leg, due to an injury when I was little. If he’s not careful he can get ulcers the size of a baseball, luckily we were able to get them all healed. The Dr. told him the other day his heart is irregular again, so we have to watch that.

I need to start us on a new way of eating. It’s disgusting how Americans eat sometimes. Why do I succumb to the temptation of pizza and burgers? I always feel disgusting afterwards. And my dad is so addicted to potato chips it’s not funny.

When I was camping, my friend Dani had this bag of herbal potato chips and they were so good. I plan to try to buy them regularly instead of what my dad usually buys. I think he’ll like them. They’re called Terra Chips and the kind I had was called “Fine Herbs and Olive Oil.” You have yet to taste something so wonderful. And supposidly you can find them at your local grocery store.

Whew, as I was saying.

Yes, I had a wonderful time last weekend, and yes I’m in a fairly good mood now that I have a job, and a decent paying one at that. Thank you to everyone who left a comment of good wishes. They’ll come in handy, I’m sure
In sad news, however, my squirrel did pass away. When I was camping, I left him in the care of my father, who forgot to make sure he stayed warm. So Lord Hickaroo froze to death. I don’t blame my father, but I was very very upset, I cried even. Silly me. I had already become very attached to him.

The job seems to be going very well. Slightly different but all in all the same. A closer group of people, which I like.

When I had come home from the camping trip on Monday, I sort of had what you might call an emotional breakdown. I think from all of the positive and wonderful energy that was raised over Beltane, and then having to come home to the mundane world, I felt jaded, even somewhat pissed off. I think I’m going to be alright though, finally.

“Ex #1″ stopped by today, we talked for a good while. He said he has contacted a lawyer about his options. I explained to him that this divorce wasn’t going to be a ‘messy’ divorce. That we were both mature enough to settle it out of court, and he agreed. So that’s good. Now that I have a job perhaps we can have some sort of conclusion to all of this.

Please life run in a normal direction for once.

Also updated and put a new layout up at my Merry Meet clique.