We had 9 baby peeps born last night. All of them have black spots except two which are perfectly yellow. I wish I was lucky enough to have been able to watch them come into the world. At this moment I’m watching one of them fall asleep standing up, until he realizes his mother is further away in which case he panics and runs after her. I’ve seen all kinds of animals be born, cows, cats, dogs, snakes, but oddly enough, never chickens. They are the type of moments I wish I could catch with a digital camera. Hence why I’ve been craving one so much. Right now they are perfectly innocent puffs of feathers that deserve to be preserved in pictures.

There is also this little chipmunk that I see hopping out of the bush by one of our flowerbeds once in a while, to climb the big oak in front of our house, and steal seeds out of the bird feeder. He fills his cheeks to maximum capacity, and then runs away quickly to make sure no one sees him. He probably has about 10 different underground pathways and holes throughout our front yard to ensure his survival.

I sent out 11 applications to 11 different companies yesterday. Hopefully I’ll hear something soon.

I was watching this soap opera today, and they do their usual Independence Day program. What was interesting though, is they had two natives of Jordan on the show, talking with people about how the one gentleman would wear his one head turban (I forget what they called it) out of pride, and how the other man from Jordan would always be tempted to tell him not to wear it, because the possible consequences would be horrible while in America, but then he would catch himself, and be disappointed that he would even think that, because why shouldn’t the guy wear it? Why shouldn’t be be proud of his country and his culture? He is not a terrorist?

And it really touched something with me. Their whole point in the meeting was that, unless you are Native American, you can’t sit here and complain about immigrants. What we did the the Native Americans was unthinkable. Worse than anything that happened during slavery, during war (not to say that those weren’t horrible in their own right). That we are all a part of somewhere else. I mean what is an American anyway? Someone who is born here? What about the African American or Cuban who is born here? Aren’t they just as American?

I don’t know, I don’t really see American as a ‘bloodline.’ I see America as a place of freedom. No matter the race. I am one of those people that believe that people who come here should be able to or at least attempt to learn english though, I hope that doesn’t make me hypocritical.

Either way, Happy Independence. Not just for America, but for everyone who has fought to win their freedom to be…….themselves.

Okay now that -that’s- out of my system, onto more positive things. I did get a phone call around 2am with a lot of apologies and promises, but honestly, I’m not taking them very seriously, not until I actually see something done about it.

My cousin Stephanie is getting married on the 12th. She’s 18 years old and I don’t even like the guy. Obviously I’m not particularly thrilled about it. Her sister, who is a year younger than myself, got married at like 19 or 20 or something, and is now getting a divorce. -I- got married at 18, and -I’m- getting a divorce after only a few years of marriage. You’d think she’d be more cautious. But the minute you try to reason with them, they get all defensive and do it faster, so….I guess she’ll just have to learn for herself. Then we can start our own first wives club Of course I despise her sister so that wouldn’t work.

Just found out today though that I -have- been denied unemployment again for two reasons. 1. Because of the initial reason I was denied, and 2. Because I didn’t make enough money at my second job. In the wise words of Borlak “You were poor, so we’ll keep you that way!” Ugh, how lame. So no money for me. No money to pay bills except what “Ex #1″ can give me.

So I’m going to file an appeal. And I am going to provide specific copies of papers to prove my case. Even so, this is ridiculous. How is anyone supposed to make a living anymore?

I try not to let my emotions override my senses but sometimes my heart just feels too much. I’m all for video games, or parties, or anything else that people seem to addict themselves to. I’ve had much fun with video games myself. But when they take over your life, and cause you to hurt the people you care about, that’s where it should end.

Maybe it’s just because I’m watching some romantic movie right now while my heart is aching that I feel compelled to write this pointless entry, and I may even regret it tomorrow, but bare with me.

I can’t put into words what a surprisingly wonderful morning I had today. Ex #4 called me during his break from class because he missed me (something he -never- does), and he called me again on his way home from class because he missed me -again- and said when he got home he wanted to spend time with me. How wonderful and uplifting I felt the whole morning. I could practically fly out the window and hitch a ride on cloud 9 all the way to Illinois to be with him.

But things changed so drastically when he got home. His father argued with him about something, which I can understand putting him in a foul mood. But for about 12 hours straight now, since he got home at 1pm, and it almost being 1am now, he has done nothing but play Starwars Galaxies and talk on 3-way calling with two of his friends who were also playing.

What is this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde that I have fallen in love with? He has not bothered to call, when I had to call and interupt his mother to get ahold of him he gave me a load of attitude because ‘his friends were waiting.’

It’s not like I’m even preventing him from playing the damn game. But for him to disappoint me so badly, I don’t even know what I should be feeling. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m depressed, and most importantly, I just want to give up on the entire relationship because stuff like -this- keeps happening. It’s a sickly build up of pain that I don’t know what to do with.

He has so many positive attributes though, he really does. I don’t quite know what to do. I thought he had changed. He -was- changing……things were going so well. One step forward and two steps back.