I have been wanting to write an entry for days but something always seems to come up. Like right now……I’m too tired lol.

Tomorrow!

I have been such a bitch lately. I really have.

I’m not sure what the problem is entirely. I think I’m really frustrated about getting rejected for EVERY FUCKING JOB I APPLY FOR…..but also being stuck in the house here. I’m disappointed in myself for letting my spiritual self go, I’m disappointed that I seem incapable of ever getting a job or going to college. I’m disappointed in myself because I can’t think clearly enough to write music.

I’ve been taking a lot out on Ex #4, and I feel so completely horrible about it. He hasn’t made things much easier though. He’s been very lazy. And it annoys me so much that someone can be spoon fed everything and never have to work for it, when I’m trying so hard just to take care of myself. But at the same time he has been very loving and devoted and we have become so much closer this summer than we have ever been.

I’m worried about him going off to college, I don’t want to go through what I went through last year. I know he won’t cheat on me again, I just don’t want him to feel like he has to fit in again. Like he has to drink or try a drug or party all the time because people will like him better because of it. No one likes anyone better for that shit. I never liked someone better because they drank with me. And why do all that and lose your real friends and the people close to you in the process?

I’m starting to believe him when he says things aren’t going to be that way this year though. But he has always had a strong urge to fit in. I guess it’s a battle between that urge and his morals. What the hell is wrong with being a nerd anyway? I like him the way he is, not the way he portrays to be.

I went to that interview, gorgeous place, wonderful environment, friendly people. Interview went well, was really anxious about the job because -this- was the type of job I was looking for.

Rejected.

But hey, I have another interview on Tuesday to get rejected for too.

Friday Five (On a Sunday)

1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
I try to wake up around 9:30, but lately I’ve been up till 4am so I get up at noon, heh. I feel like such a bum
2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
Same pretty much.

3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Use the bathroom, check e-mail……that’s pretty much it.

4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
An hour at the most, if I’m not distracted by AIM or something lol.

5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?
Local country restaurants. Baughers is my favorite, but…no one else would know about it.

I have a new hostee, well, I’m hosting her artwork and such, her personal site is elsewhere. But please welcome Cathy to the Tawodi family. A very talented (with good taste too, I might add) and interesting woman.

Still no word on any of the interviews I’ve been going to. Why is it so hard to find a job? Why is it even harder to find a job when you -have- the qualifications for it? It makes no sense to me.

I’d give anything to have a Utopian society. One where people made clothes, because clothes needed to be made. They didn’t -charge- for it, there was no -trading-. People worked to provide and in turn, were provided for. If you needed clothes, you go get them. Just make sure in some way you are also providing for the community.

Ugh. If only. Money = The REAL Devil

Mom called and wanted me to go out to dinner with her last night. I didn’t answer the phone, and didn’t call her back. It may seem calleous of me, but I refuse. She has not changed, she has not ‘gotten better,’ hell, she’s not even SANE. I refuse to give her any sort of inclination that I am her daughter, or that I approve of what she’s done to everyone. I do not badmouth her in front of my sister, and that’s good enough for me.

Almost makes me sick thinking about it.

I found out that my mothers proposal for a new judge and a new lawyer for my sister was denied. Which is a good thing. It’s not like they wouldn’t find her just as guilty, heh. But I guess when you’re desperate you’ll try anything.