It’s fun quotes day, courtsey of bash.org. They are kinda on the computer geek side.

Lhayn> WTF? Who would kill over a dollar?
DMA> bums
Lizardman> Transients.
Lhayn> …In normal society?
DMA> CEOs

frank> can you help me install GTA3?
knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren’t using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
knightmare> …

Unleaded> I did something really geeky just now
Ex0duz> watched star trek ?
Unleaded> I was reading a magazine, and I glanced at the bottom right hand corner of the page expecting to see the time… :/

I also have 3 new hostees moving in. Michele has returned from her vacation from the AD family. Tara, a friend of Michele’s, has also decided to join our lovely family here, and I’ve been asked to host a Canadian Witches Against Religious Discrimination website. I also made a journal for my cousin Steph who I’ve spoken about on occasion (the one who recently got married), but she doesn’t know about my journal here so, it’s hosted on my other domain. That’s one of her wedding pictures in the layout, it turned out very cute. I actually have Michele to thank for the idea of the scrapbook and tape. Hope you don’t mind love.

So wonderful to have new faces.

It would appear from the layout on this site, that our little Harry Potter is growing up to be quite the stud. Imagine him 10 years from now.

Last year at this time, I took down my site in rememberance for September 11th, as did several other people. I thought about doing it this year, but it just didn’t seem right. I’ve noticed a lot of other people have put up rememberance posts for the victims of September 11th, some of them very well written.

I’m really not sure what I want to do..

Perhaps it’s just that my wounds from that day are healing, though I know the wounds for some people never will. They have to carry that burden with them the rest of their lives.

Is this wrong of me? I’d never attempt to downplay the events of 9/11, of course not. It’s as tragic as the very first hour. But it appears that as time has gone by, I’ve become less succomb to the emotions concerning 9/11. In a way, I feel guilty. In other ways, I feel angry, angry that it had to come to that in the first place. Angry at our government, angry with our president for just making things worse out of revenge.

If anyone knows the lustful feeling of revenge, it’s me. I’m a very vengeful person. But I think 9/11 was one of the only times I didn’t feel vengeful. I felt remorse. It made me stop and think “Wow…what caused this..? What is it that I don’t know about..?” It seemed kinda silly to me to think that I had all the answers and reasonings behind 9/11.

Perhaps I have a skewed way of thinking. I wish that the event never happened. Waking up that day and turning on the news was probably one of the most numbing feelings in my whole life. It was like something out of the god damn twilight zone.

Who would have thought that the human race would want to destroy its own kind. Maybe that’s why we’re so resilient.

Sum up your thoughts about me in one word and leave it in a comment.

Then put this on your journal to see what everyone else thinks of you.

Stolen from: Sati

My father is sick again. He’s had a very bad cough for a few days now, and of course the slightest bit of illness has my stomach in knots when it comes to him. It was really bad last night, I could hear him up coughing and hacking and gagging all night.

Tonight isn’t so bad…but I worry because he plans to go mow a christmas tree farm tomorrow and I really don’t want him doing any type of work, especially away from home.

He’s going to do it anyway, I can’t stop him no matter what I say. But what if something happens while he’s out there? I pray that it doesn’t.

I don’t know, I’m very scared and protective when it comes to my father. And even if we’ve never had the ‘I love you’ relationship, he still means the world to me. I respect him more than anyone I’ve ever met and admire him more than most people. Just writing me has me welling up in tears because of my respect for my father.

It just isn’t fair all of the shit he has to go through. What my mom did to him, stealing money from him, causing him to live in his dump we call a home. Him being screwed out of any retirement or life insurance or even health insurance. He has nothing, absolutely nothing but what little implements we keep in this house, what he grows in his garden, and the animals we keep out back.

His simple pleasures include mowing the lawns of our neighbors and going up early mornings to a local country restaurant to talk with old farmers about the ‘good ole days.’

I want with every ounce of my being to be able to take care of him. I don’t want him to ever worry about being put in a nursing home or not have any money when he gets older.

Luckily he’s on disability.

I need him, and I’m very very scared.

Odd how after I post that last entry about being content, I go downhill. I had my battle with depression. Thinking about all the things I want to happen that I don’t feel will ever happen. Like something as simple as owning my own home. Or being able to bury my father should he pass on (I hope that never happens anytime soon).

My biggest fear in life is not being able to support myself, and I’m living that fear right now. Where would I be if I didn’t have “Ex #1″ and my father to help me? It certainly wouldn’t be here. Oh I’m sure I’d have family or friends to take me in if it ever came to me living on the streets. That’s not the issue.

Rather than go through all of the painstaking thoughts and moments, suffice to say that I really need to focus more on getting a job. For a while I was, but after being rejected so many times, your ’steam’ tends to wind down. I also need to do things that will make me feel proud of myself, or accomplished. I need to clean and take care of the home that my father is providing for me. I need to go out and exercise regularly and eat better for -me-. I need to take better care of my finances and bills.

I just need to DO something. Sitting here crying about all my misfortunes certainly isn’t going to bring some rich, good-looking millionaire to my door, is it.

Okay, I realize my last post was a bit bitchy. It’s not my intention to make anyone feel bad, I know people have lives, I know people get busy.

I still don’t understand why people volunteer to do things and then never do them. That may not be the case for a lot of you, but I know for a fact it will be the case for some.

On another note, today was absolutely beautiful. The temperature was perfect, the sun was unbelievably stunning, and I got to talk with Ex #4 a lot today. I am longing for many days like this.

Just found out I have 3 friends getting married this month! I just hope none of them overlap.
And one is at the Maryland Renaissance Festival! (at least I -think- I’m invited).

I have a good feeling about this month. I really do. I’m confident I will find a job, so many people are pledging their oath of love to each other, and I just feel………good. I dunno. We’ll see.

25 people volunteered to sign this affidavit for the Pagan church here in Maryland, and only about 5 people (possibly 6 or 7) have really gone through with it.

Do you know how disappointing this is? Why e-mail me asking to help out? Hell for that matter why call yourself pagan if you aren’t willing to help out the pagan community?

I e-mailed everyone with a copy of it, all they have to do is print it out and mail it to me.

We had a discussion about this on the CedarLight Grove list a while back I think, about people being all talk and not actually doing anything for the Grove. Why are people like this?

Man I get annoyed with lazy people sometimes.

For those of you that DID volunteer, but lived in another country, and I may or may not have e-mailed it to you, I apologize, this isn’t directed at you.

Wow I really didn’t think it would be that easy to import all my greymatter entries into Moveable Type. But there they are, all my archives are under VAULT. It’s nice to be able to see them all again Before, Greymatter had corrupted so it would only show my earliest entries.

Now for the ceremonial DELETION OF GREYMATTER.