Happy Thanksgiving to those that are celebrating today. Though I don’t know what it means to say “Happy Thanksgiving.” Does that mean I hope you have a good time honoring our ancestors that came and stripped land from the Native Americans and gave them smallpox?

Eh.

I think instead I’ll honor those Native Americans and their ways, and I’ll give thanks for the spiritual path that I’ve found, and the knowledge they passed down through the years to us. And I give thanks for being in a country that has the ideal of freedom of religion, even if they don’t practice it. Because I do love my country.

How’s THAT for a mixed bag? lol

I’ll be heading up to Pennsylvania to celebrate with family up there, enjoy a bountiful feast with relatives in celebration for being with each other.

I am so sick and god damn tired of people thinking they can walk all over me. Alex, Jeff, I swear I’m going to kick both of their asses. It’s making me more determined than ever to get a job and to move the fuck oooooon.

I’m going to make a daily schedule and stick to it. To start, 2 hours worth of music writing/playing every day, and 1 hour worth of exercise. Call every job I think I can do in the paper before noon. Do 2 hours worth of housework everyday, half an hour worth of meditation, and 2 hours worth of web work. And whatever other time will be spent working on my MUD or hanging out with friends.

I need to get out of this rut -now-. Now now now. I can’t take it anymore. I refuse to depend on Alex anymore for any god damn thing, I want him gone, and if he thinks he can hold shit over my head anymore, he’s dead wrong.

Spent the day at Cedarlight yesterday. Enjoyed myself a lot, as being there tends to make me forget about all the stress I’m dealing with right now. They also had a Witan meeting (Sorta like, the committee that’s in charge of major decision making). And we’re doing elections for new officials, and I was nominated for official webmaster, which made me happy. Also made me feel important.

I also got this really awesome old book called “A Veterinary Guide for Animal Owners” which has all kinds of basic animal care in it (most of which, for dogs and cats, I already knew), but it also included cattle, goats, sheep, horses, pigs, poultry, and rabbits. So it should be hella useful.

December is going to be a busy month for me, I’m tempted to put my calendar back on here so I don’t forget some of the stuff. A lot of it Cedarlight related.

Been cleaning a lot lately, threw out all kinds of stuff. I’ve come to realize that I have a hard time throwing magazines away, especially when I noticed the tall stack of Four Wheel and Offroad and Better Homes and Gardens magazines I had. I think I might just get a big scrapbook to save any articles I like in.

I’ve also been trying to work on my daily meditations for the dedicants program, and doing some daily exercise.

I forgot to mention that I broke it off with Ex #4 a few days ago. I just didn’t feel like dealing with the shit from him anymore. I told him if he was serious about wanting to be with me, he’d work as hard as absolutely necessary to get me back. He’s made a half-assed effort so far, so I don’t see it going anywhere.

On another note, I went to see Sasha Mercedes tonight at the Irish Moon. She’s always a wonderful performer. I think this is my third time seeing her. But apparently she’s moving, so she won’t be performing for a long time. Her partner lives in Maryland, and he’s an excellent guitarist and singer. So their act is kinda ’split up’ for now. Sati told him today that I was looking for someone else to play with, which is true. But at the same time it’s like, I don’t think I’m good enough to play with him. At least guitar-wise.

But who knows. An employee at the coffee house said that she liked my sound better, but I have to disagree. Sasha just has that Janis sound to her that I love. But it lifted my spirits none the less. Also another guy heard an mp3 of mine that I had been working on, and said “Wow, Sasha is really good, isn’t she?” And I was like “Yeah……but that’s not Sasha, that’s me.” So I had to chuckle.

I was able to convince my Dad and my cousin Steph to go with me, so it was nice sharing that experience with them.

The owner of the coffee house offered me a VERY part-time job there, but I turned it down because it interfered with -all- of my Cedarlight things. He also wanted me to hide my pentacle, and even though I didn’t say anything about it at the time, it pissed me off. Screw that.

However, I was offered to start playing there regularly on some Fridays, but I have to come up with a 2 hour set. So I guess I’ll be working on that.

SOMEONE GIVE ME A JOB.

Just called the law office. The lawyer I spoke with was very nice, and I felt very comfortable talking to him. He seemed really impressed with my resume, and sounded like he really wanted me to work there.

His only concern was that since I was seeking a full-time position, that I would be inclined to move on to a full-time position if it became available since this one was part-time. And I told him straight out that most likely I would. He said he appreciated my canter, and that he would probably be interviewing the other applicants first, and if they don’t work out, that he would call me. I told him that was fine and I understood.

So no luck there, but I’m gonna keep trying.

Readded the paypal button in case anyone wants to donate to help ease all of this crap on my shoulders. Though it is the holidays so I honestly don’t expect squat.

Calling around for more jobs today, sent out a resume last night via e-mail to this local law office about a secretarial position, and he called me back this morning while I was asleep. Gonna call him back here in a few.

There’s another position I wouldn’t mind having at this collision repair shop, maybe I’ll get a discount on some of the body work I need done to my bronco and my truck.

Which reminds me I need to get the $50 together to get my truck towed home from “Ex #1″’s friends house. That along with the 20 other bills I have due right now. I even who the IRS something that they screwed up, so I’m a bit nervous about that because I don’t want to get arrested lol. I think about $300 might allow me to pay off a few bills that will essentially cause me some major grief. Total though, it’s a lot more.

Lets just pray I get a job soon. Who knows, if this law office job is part-time, and I get it, maybe I can work at the coffee house part-time too.

Time to write music

Reorganizing my life has turned out rather scary. I owe more money than I thought I did, and of course, it’s all due at once. Right before Yule/Christmas, and right as I owe $800 to car insurance. Ain’t that some shit. There should be a law against having to pay bills in December.

I had some presents purchased off of Ebay too, one of which I’m just going to have to get negative feedback for. I’m going to email the owner and ask for an extension, but you know how people get about money.

Things are quite stressful right now. None of it has to do with the holidays, all of it has to do with money. Granted, I’m rather upset I can’t buy my sister anything. I’m even more upset that I can’t even afford shampoo currently.

Last Friday when I went to the coffee house, the owner mentioned something to me about working up there, so I e-mailed him today and asked him if he really meant it. I guess this little job is better than no job, IF I get it.

I’ve been applying to a lot of jobs, some that I wouldn’t even be able to get to if I did get them because they are in D.C. and my old truck wouldn’t survive driving down there every day.

I’m hoping some holiday magic will happen this year, like it did last year.

Until them I’m just slowly waiting for all of these days to pass, so I can pay off these bills. I’m really not even worried about my credit anymore. I’m never buying anything on credit anymore anyway. If I can’t afford it, I don’t want it. I want to focus on my career, and on my music, so eventually credit won’t even be a problem, just pay in cash.

Watching a lot of old Native American movies lately. Man society sucks.

Does anyone know of a program that does the following:

- Keeps track of deposits, withdrawls, payments, check information, confirmation number, and all other financial information.
- Will give me totals (like Excel)
- And more importantly, has a reminder feature that will send you reminders on whent to pay stuff, like a daily planner type thing.

I’m trying to better organize myself, and I’m not sure if Excel has the third feature. Ex #4 mentioned Microsoft Money, but I’ve never played with that before.

[Edit]: I went with Microsoft Money and LOVE IT.