Shallow
It’s amazing what you find out about people. How shallow people actually are. No matter how much they pretend to be otherwise, deep down they are as shallow and ignorant as everyone else.
I still care about them, they just aren’t the same person I had envisioned them to be. Perhaps I was blind, or thought maybe, JUST maybe this person was different.
It’s a nice fantasy, but if I’m going to find any sort of sanity, I need to realize that I am on my own. I’d say everyone I know is shallow, but that’s not a fair judgement. It’s just something I want to say out of anger and frustration right now. I want to point fingers and accuse. I want to cry and I want to be violent. I want the physical pain to overwhelm the emotional.
But in the end, what was I expecting anyway. A miracle?
I don’t need anyone. I’ve been perfectly content on my own. It’s lonely, god is it lonely. And I’ve desired. I’ve wanted. I’ve lusted. But I’ve also been safer. No more rejection, no more disappointment unless I disappoint myself. I just need to stay strong.
Even if I became the type of person that they wanted, I still wouldn’t want them. Not after this. You either love me for me, or you don’t love me at all, because I will hate you.
Don’t ask me to clarify on this entry, because you won’t get an answer. This was written soley for myself.
Entry viewed times. Posted in General
4 Responses to “Shallow”
April 24th, 2004 at 3:44 pm
It’s good that you release what you feel. We really can’t avoid to be frustrated nd disappointed with things, with people, with the world. It seems like things just aren’t always what they seem after all.
April 25th, 2004 at 8:53 pm
Great writing..unique perspective…I hope you visit my blog too..I agree with the above comment about trying to overcome the bitter diappointments..one of my favorite quote is by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
Keep writing.
April 26th, 2004 at 7:09 pm
It can be a lonely road by yourself.. but by the same token, you’re not deluding yourself to illusions that others throw up. Just a tiny piece of advice from a psuedo-hermit.. just remember that occasionally those real individuals will drift through your life, don’t become too jaded that you miss those diamonds.
Keep strong hun.
May 16th, 2004 at 3:49 pm
aren’t you going to want to know what they free dish network think, even just briefly? I don’t think I’d direcway be especially bothered by anything anyone satellite tv would think about whatever they heard playing free satellite tv on my CD player, but I shouldn’t assume that direct tv all music listeners are like me. What happens directv when I get an anti-rap person who is assaulted free direct tv by “Bombs Over Baghdad” at volume 10? Still, dish network