My livejournal icons? (How appropriate)
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I am currently covered in charcoal. My left arm especially, is now stained with a gritty black substance. My beige scrubs, look like someone decided to fling black ink all over them.

This is what you get when you spend an hour forcing a dog who has just eaten rat poison, to vomit, then swallow charcoal. (Aren’t I supposed to be a receptionist..?)

No complaints though.

Had fun playing Rummy(?) till 3am tonight with some good friends.

I’ve been waiting for my car insurance to be taken out of my account, and finally, after being fed up, I called them today. Turns out it’s not due for 2 months, so I have extra money. Joining the Gym tomorrow with it, saving up for Digital Camera hopefully the first week in May.

Debating on what to do about Beltane this year. I already requested off for the weekend up at Ed’s Farms. But it doesn’t really feel right to go. At least not to spend the night anyway. I might just chill out and go home each night.

Beyond that though, after the comment about CLG being only ‘guests’, I’ve felt no lure towards anything Crann Bethadh related. Am I just being silly? I think I’ll join their e-list tonight. I’m going to miss Sati for the weekend. I really enjoyed last Beltane
I’ve decided to try and get really serious about my music. I need to find some decent musicians in the area. Anyone know of any in Maryland? Some that are preferably serious about moving forward in music and willing to get together a few times a week, even if just once a week? My friend Andy has a lot of songs he wants me to look at.

Playing with a Wah-Wah effect

Kinda depressed. Okay, not kinda, a lot.

I’ve been trying to straighten out my finances. I actually purchased my credit report so I could figure some things out. It’s considered “very poor.” Not as bad as I thought it was, but it’s still bad enough to cause worry. (Though “Ex #1″ has a rather big debt that I’m going to reem him out about tomorrow).

I’ve been thinking about our house lately. We don’t own it, we rent. From a 90 year old farmer who doesn’t want to give up the property for some reason. He doesn’t do any maintenance, he doesn’t do anything, it’s like he doesn’t even exist.

Should he pass away soon, the property will most likely be left to his kids. And who knows what they’ll want to do with it. There’s no way anyone else would rent it, the house is condemable. The property however, is probably very valuable. So they may want to try to sell it out to some contractor or something, which would leave us homeless.

I don’t know anything about loans and banks and finances, honestly. But I’d like to somehow get a loan to buy this place or something. I’m not quite sure how to go about it. Who do I talk to?

I’ve lived in this house off and on since I was born. We lived here when I was born, moved into another house for a few years, but moved back when my parents were divorced. And even though I lived in Virginia with my ex-husband, my father still lived here. And my father needs a place where he can relax and have his animals. I don’t think he could cope with living in an apartment somewhere with nothing to do. No flowers to plant, no animals to tend to.

So what do I do? I’m 24 god damn years old and I feel as helpless as newborn.

My fingers are bleeding from playing guitar so much. Just trying to block out some of the depression through music.

I need to do something.

This spring I have opted to change several habits for myself and my father..

1. Eating better, more fresh veggies and fruits. More local produce and meat rather than mass-production to ensure the wellbeing of the animals. Often we get an entire cow or deer from my uncle, who I know takes care of his animals. And that much meat will feed my father and I for months. Plus promoting local farmers helps promote our local economy.

2. Water

3. Recycling. Because of my busy schedule, it has been harder to make sure things are being recycled. I intend to adjust as much as humanly possible to do my part for recycling and environmentally friendly habits. I’ll probably post a list later.

4. Clean out the basement and garage. These two are heinously filthy due to poor construction. I may need a crew of friends for a day of cleaning, crabs, and beer for this one. So if any of my IRL friends are reading this, and interested, let me know.

5. A visit to the gym regularly, at least enough to get into the habit.

6. Familiarize myself outdoors more. Continue expanding my herb garden.

7. Start creating my own recipes for our cleaning products again. I used to do this a long time ago, when I lived in Virginia. So much more environmentally sound.

8. I want to fish. A lot.

9. I want to take my friends on several picnics and BBQ’s.

10. Become more aware of local recycling programs, the goodwill, and agricultural programs.

11. Attempt to have friends and family follow the same sort of habits.

12. I’m so sick of all the wasteful paper at work. Must figure out a way to handle this without overwhelming myself. This would be a good use of our garage. Hopefully some of my co-workers will help out.

13. Regular spiritual meditation

Hrm, how high -is- my sex drive?
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My day off today shall consist of some web maintenance, gardening, and playing guitar. I will be a lazy fucker, and enjoy it. Hopefully Vinnie will come over to play guitar today, but I doubt he will.

In other news, I was supposed to go to this bardic thing down in Virginia tonight, but since I have to work tomorrow, I can’t. And by the looks of it, I may not be able to go to the Wellspring festival either, for their bardic competition. But I’m going to try.

One of my friends that works for a police department in another state (keeping the location hidden for security issues), for my birthday, snagged for me me a police photo and the actual fingerprints of Jim Morrison when he was arrested there in the early 60’s. Very nice birthday gift, thank you <3. I think I’ll frame them.