My Aunt Patty and I had a slightly disturbing conversation today. Not the conversation itself, but how it took place.

While attempting to get ready for work this morning, she wanted to do a live chat through the computer, just to catchup on what’s going on with my mother. I declined the chat because I had to leave for work. But for some reason she seemed to take offense to that.

When I told her I would talk to her later tonight, she just got more upset. Talked about how she was sorry but she was just desperate to talk to someone since Steph is in Germany and Tommy is at school.

It made me uncomfortable, it made me feel guilty. I don’t talk to my family as much as I should, I hardly talk to any at all. I don’t even talk to my sister as often as I should. In fact, I’m going to call her now, hold on a moment.

I’m back, she seems to be doing well. Enjoying school and is starting soccer again. I’ll have to get out there to see a game of hers. She seems to be having a slight problem with wetting the bed lately, which concerns me. I hope it’s not stress related.

Back to family, the only person besides my father that I talk to regularly is my cousin Steph, and she’s all the way in Germany now. I never talk to anyone else, ever. Should I be concerned? Should I make an effort? Why is it so easy to lose touch?

In other news, I think Jeff is playing with my head again. Why I let him do this I have no clue. He’ll say one thing and then pretend I don’t exist for a few days. I don’t know how he expects me to feel about that. His constant excuse is that he’s busy. I’m sorry, but no one is busy 24/7 where they can’t call someone to at least say “Hello, what’s up?” I’m sick of feeling like everything is just pretend. He promised he wouldn’t hurt me again, but it looks like that was just another mile long lie.

Ex #2 and I have been talking a lot lately. Well we’ve always talked, we’ve talked for years and never really had a major arguement. I just don’t know if I see us getting anywhere. He has the same interests I do, he’s not very religious, but he also has this severe case of Devil’s Advocate with me, and I hate that. I really do. I don’t tell you things just so you can pinpoint every single flaw and error.

Ex #3 emailed me the other day, he and his wife are doing great and expecting another child. She’s getting over some alcoholism, and I’m glad they’re working on getting their lives straightened out.

Ex #1 is currently in St. Louis, and still talks to me semi-regularly. He’s working hard at his job and plans to buy some land soon to build a house. He’s very poor with his money though, so I don’t really see that ever happening.

And me? Well, money isn’t as tight. My paycheck this week grossed over $550, but my dad needs a few things that I may need to spend it on. I have a few small bills to pay, and then I should be fine. Savings isn’t building up as much as I would like, but I am slowly purchasing parts for a new computer that my friend Jason is building for me. It’s going to be badass.

I have good feelings about Sati’s job situation too. I should know something within a week, for those reading my restricted entries.

This was too funny, I had to share:
Tarot for Recovering Pagan Fanatics
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I’ve been reading up on this local nature retreat. I printed out a map, tried to find information on it’s history (but to no avail), and plan to start going there and doing some hiking. There’s actually a couple around here, in case I needed a change of pace once in a while.

I would go for hikes in our own woods out back, however they are often plagued with the neighborhood children or some rednecks on 4-wheelers (though if I had a 4-wheeler, I’d probably do the same thing. Carefully though.)

I don’t know when I’m going to find time to go though. Weekends maybe. After work? But soon it’ll be dark by the time I get out of work. So early mornings? Eesh, it’s already hard enough to get up early. Getting up earlier to go hike just doesn’t look as appealing, but if it’s necessary…..

My Son decided to sleep with me last night. He usually sleeps on the sofa, but I think he knew how upset I was about various things. I’ve had to make some serious decisions lately, some that were sad but necessary. I’m just tired of trying to hold onto things that aren’t there. Or fighting the losing battle, or however you want to put it.

Today is a halfday at work, I have work I plan to finish up tonight. Tomorrow, again, half a day of work, but a bar-b-que with some friends afterwards. Hopefully enough to distract me for a few days.

What does it mean to feel like a leftover.

A leftover is something that you enjoy, maybe even enjoy a lot, but you can’t take anymore of. So what do you do? You store the leftover aside. Hide it somewhere, protect it somewhere with every intention of enjoying it again when you feel like it. Because it’s good enough that you want more of it, but just not right now. It may be days before you decide you want a piece of the leftover, you may not even think about it until then. You may forget about it completely while you run around with your daily lives. Eventually the leftover will get sour, old, moldy. It’ll lose it’s taste, it’s desire, it’s flavor. It’ll eventually fade away, and you may eventually throw it away. Or maybe it’ll just disappear in whatever abyss of the unknown. Either way, leftovers are only temporary.

My dearest friend Borlak sent this link to me, I think it’s about a woman obsessed with ebay:

Link