So I totally forgot. Today would have been my wedding anniversary. My……6th (holy fuck) anniversary. I guess technically it still is until the divorce is final. Which won’t be until after the holidays (yay tax money?).

So I’ve decided to try and make a post about the good portions of my ex-marriage, even though it was mostly bad towards the end anyway.

• Our first “date” was when I was 14, and we went to see Billy Madison in the theatres. Yay for romance, but it was awesome. On the way home I heard a song on the radio and downloaded it the second I got home and listened to it non-stop for weeks because it reminded me of him.
• SECOND time we hung out, I remember wearing a torn pink t-shirt, black jeans, and a pair of old black boots, and we watched Army of Darkness in his room. Aftewards he played guitar very poorly, but I thought it was the coolest thing.
• I was such a teenage dorkus in highschool (not literally), that I was never really able to “ask him out.” I told our mutual friend Bill about it and he was like “WTF” and said “You two are now dating, so shut the fuck up and do it already.”
• I remember lots of sex. We were always late to school in the morning.
• I remember writing him letters almost every day when he first left for the Navy. I was so heartbroken.
• I remember making him little pointless trinkets in my woodshop class my sophmore year.
• I remember sitting around in his bedroom listening to Bloodhound Gang’s beer coaster album.
• I think Steph remembers this too, but I remember how good he looked in his Johnny Cash’s (the black naval uniform).
• I remember his mother was/is a bitch.
• We never told his parents for the year we were engaged, and never even told them until AFTER we got married. He was such a mamma’s boy.

Too tired to try and remember any more, maybe I’ll add to the list later. So glad the marriage is over.

I would just like to say, that the band “Cold” is overly fucking talented. I relate to so many of their songs, and the music touches me rather deeply. It’s rare to see a group of musicians anymore that have pure talent and aren’t some mass produced conglomorate.

Just gives me all the more inspiration to work on my own music. If only I could reach that level.

Today has been good overall, got to visit with family some, got to enjoy the beautiful weather splitting wood, was able to play with my new camera, though I’m still learning how to use it.

Dad didn’t get a deer, he shot at a buck, thought he got it because it fell in the stream bed, but when he went out later today to see if we could track it, there was nothing. Maybe tomorrow.

Below are some pictures I took of My Son (who is apparently a tree climbing dog), and my father today while we were chopping wood:
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Dad left well before dawn this morning to go hunting, since today starts rifle season. If I’m lucky, when I come home from work we’ll have enough deer meat to last the winter, I’ll have a new deer pelt, and depending on what he may get, some antlers for whatever I deem necessary.

I’m tempted to go after work myself, depending.

What I’d really love to do, is start doing archery again. I was fairly good at it when I was younger, and I’d love to take my shot at bow season. Something to consider anyway.

What mortal jackass decided it would be required to get up at 6:30 the next day to go to work.

Least it’s only a half day.

Played with this new digital camera some yesterday, still trying to figure things out, but I never seem to have that ‘touch’ that other people do. Maybe some day I’ll post the fruits of my labor.

As far as post-holiday thoughts. Thank the great spirit for leftovers, my god. Should feed my father and I for a good week. Turkey sandwiches are the best!

I think the only negative thought I had, actually there were three… Alex was really annoying and clingy. Sati and Toni helped me to get him to leave though by calling and inviting me over. (Sorry I didn’t actually -come- over, after he left I had a long phone call :))

And two, I never heard from Luke. I had hoped a quick phone call if anything, but there was nothing. I’ve given him his space to focus on his schoolwork and fraternity, and we haven’t talked in a week save for the odd text message here and there. Thank god for good supportive friends.

Lastly, I didn’t get to see my sister. I think my mother had her for this holiday, so I should see her for Christmas. But I was hopeful.

Otherwise it was an absolutely wonderful thanksgiving.

I started going around to journals like I wanted and posted comments. I didn’t get to finish though, but I will try and do that today.

I may start working on my musical portfolio more, after the end of the month. It’s something I’d really like to have done, and I don’t know why I keep putting it off. I guess I’m tired of feeling defeated when I have to re-record over and over because I’m never satisfied.

This was our thanksgiving prayer based off an old Iroquois prayer (dad really liked it):

We give thanks to our mother, the earth, which sustains us
We give thanks to the rivers and streams that provide us water
We give thanks to the plants and herbs for their medicine
We give thanks to the sky for providing us light and for watching over us
We give thanks to the wind for its music and freedom of spirit
We give thanks to our four legged brothers for providing food and strength
And we give thanks to the Great Spirit, who embodies all goodness and provides all things for the good of her children.

Nothing is better than waking up to the smell of turkey cooking and the sounds of bluegrass and wind chimes in the background. Then walking into the living room to see all the candles and oil lamps lit, with their soft glow dancing over all the paintings and native american statuaries and our new wood paneling walls.

Already I’ve been shown what I’m thankful for.

Right now my dad is making his traditional holiday morning phone calls to relatives. Something I think I’d like to start doing too. I’d also like to attempt to go through all of my friends journals and leave them a comment thanking them for allowing me to read about their lives, and for being such wonderful friends.

I’m thankful for all the staff on my MUD for sticking it out for so long with me. Especially Ray, and Jason, and Michael, who have stuck with me since 2001 when it started development.

I’m thankful for my wonderful new job that is now allowing me to take care of my father properly and work us out of debt.

I’m thankful for my fathers health, though not perfect, we’ve been blessed that things aren’t much worse.

I’m thankful for wonderful friends like Sati, Alison, Deirdre, Joe, and Rob for their continuous support in and out of the Grove.

I’m thankful to Tina for her comment on my story, because it really made my day.

I’m thankful for my son, who has been my closest companion.

I’m thankful for my friend Myk, because even though we haven’t been dating for 4 years now, he’s still one of my best friends. And I know I can call him a fucker and he knows I mean it in the most loving way.

And I’m especially thankful for Michael, for so many reasons, for all of his support, for everything.

My thanksgivings of the past are very fond memories. Traditionally we would all gather at my grandmothers house on her big farm next to the huge liberty reservoir. At times we’d have a number of 40 family gathered around many tables that went out into the living room even.

The best feeling was being able to go outside and feel the crispness of the cold weather, and the silence of the outside, and walking in to the warmth and cozyness of the woodstove inside, and seeing all of your family sitting together enjoying a huge feast of your own turkeys that they all worked together to provide.

I know I’ve mentioned before how we used to kill our own turkeys for the holidays. It really is a sacred memory that I hold close to my heart, and I miss it greatly.

Right now my thanksgiving feasts have dwindled down to my father and myself. Alex will be coming over because his family doesn’t really celebrate it, and his mother always has to work because she’s a nurse. I’m hoping Vernon will drop by with my sister, and I believe Sati may stop by for a few later.

But I still get to walk outside into the cold damp weather, and come in to the glow of my fathers candles and the smell of turkey and pumpkin pie, and the warmth of our woodstove.

Who the fuck does something like this