Are the rumors true? Is HFS back? I don’t have a radio to check. God I hope so. What dumbshit decided to take it down in the first place, they should be shot.

I’ve stepped down staffing at thefanlistings.org. I just don’t have the time or heart to do it anymore. I’ve been staffing there since June of 2003, but it’s just too much for my life right now, so I’m purging this project in order to allow myself to breath for these others.

It’s actually a big weight lifted off my shoulders, and will allow me to focus on other things for now.

Was a great year and half ride though running the Nature and Mythology/Religion categories. I even wrote a song about it But I only sent it to the staffers.

I envy Melissa. Her life is very much what I’ve been wanting mine to be. I’ve been reading her for years, and I’ve always felt a connection with her, even though we’ve never met, never spoken on the phone. Just a few e-mails now and again. But I still love her.

He turned me away from the dishes to look at my face and put his arms on my shoulders. I was a little started at his intensely serious expression. “But I want you to know that it’s not because it’s a habit to say those words. It’s not because it is more comfortable to stay with you, more comfortable than being alone. It’s not because I’ve settled for you, for this life we have together. I love you as I first loved you, with all of the intensity. I feel as if we’re sharing an adventure together, and I am so very thankful that I have you with me.”

10 degrees out, feels like -1 degrees.

About time! Now bring the snow!

I froze putting gas in last night though. I have to let it seep in rather slow due to the line to my gas tank having a leak in it. And it takes about $50 to fill up my tank, since it’s a 26 gallon tank. So you figure about 15 minutes to pump gas, in 0 degree weather, with no gloves and really not much to keep warm. And since I have to hand pump it, there’s no hiding in the truck. Needless to say I couldn’t feel my fingers afterwards.

Speaking of which, I’m amazed at the amount of gas I save now that I don’t have to take Sati to work. I was filling up at least twice a week before, sometimes 3 on a bad week. Besides last night, I hadn’t filled up since last weekend, so that lasted me just over a week. I didn’t think I was driving -that- far out of the way.

My friend Doug has convinced me to sign up for guitar lessons, which I will be looking into today. I mean I can play already, but I definitely need to expand myself. I’m actually pretty excited, and think it’s a good step in the right direction. I need private lessons, not classes that teach generic crap. I need someone willing to work with me and help define what I already know. And who knows, maybe it’ll give me some more connections in the music world.

FINALLY some snow. Granted you can still see the grass, but there’s snow there dammit! Crazy cold out too, only thing I don’t like about winter is not wanting to get out of bed in the morning.

My father had a holiday party this weekend, which was nice. Too many people for our small house though. I mingled as much as I could, but decided to play some Counter Strike instead. Some of my friends should be having their parties here soon, which should be far more interesting.

I’m disappointed I didn’t get to spend more time with Steph before she left to go back to Germany. But her mother just went off every time we tried, and accused me of taking her drinking when she’s underaged. Which is horseshit. I said -I- had a few drinks, not Steph. This is why I no longer visit most of my family. I’m so sick of being the black sheep of the family because I’m not some traditional christian fundamentalist. Fuck that.

I thought my monitor blew up yesterday, because the screen went black. Turns out I jiggled my video card loose when I was drumming. That’s a first.

This post was a test of the emergency bordom system.

My sister just now:

“No offense sissy, but am I ever going to be an aunt?”

Man the pressure is on!

Things are so crazy right now for me, hardly anyone really knows what’s going on with me. And I haven’t really wanted to open up about all of it either.

I think sometime soon I would like to take a small trip somewhere and camp for a weekend. But more in a ritual fast way. Just be alone with my thoughts, and maybe a drum and sleeping bag. I haven’t decided when or where yet, either this weekend or the last weekend of January. I just need to sort through things and get back in touch with my spirituality.