YOU ARE MOLY

What herb are you?
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It’s been an interesting day.

I ran out of gas on the way to work this morning, mostly due to the fact that I don’t know the limits of my dads cadillac. Luckily I was just right down the street from work so my boss came to pick me up. He’ll be going out to buy a gas can at Lowes later so we have one for the branch anyway, then he’ll take me to get a gallon to put in to make it to the gas station to fill up.

My dads cellphone broke, and I really worry about him when he doesn’t have one, so I just bought him a new one through Virgin Mobile like mine, because I love it. This of course happens after I purchased him more airtime through Tracfone, so trying to get that redeemed is a pain in the ass.

My bronco’s tags will be suspended tomorrow. I thought I had until tomorrow to get the emissions done or to get an extension but she said my paper that was sent to me was incorrect. So I sent out a certification mail today to get an extension granted since the bronco is broke down anyway, so I can’t drive it.

Some good news! (no I didn’t save money on my car insurance by switching to Geico)
My boss says my raise should be on my paycheck next week or the week after. I guess Kiim and I calling Human Resources really lit a fire under the regional bosses ass to get them processed. After they are officially in, she’s going to contact payroll and have the back raise pay retroactive in another check. So that’ll be a nice bonus to come in just in time for Christmas shopping.

My ex-husband was in the newspaper today for having a car show reject. Amusing. He’s offering to buy the oldsmobile from my father and I, which will take one of these off our hands. I should be getting tags for the other bronco in a week or two.

As for my baby, from what I can tell, 2 of the cylinders just aren’t firing. She’s probably going to be off the road for a while. I should have time now that the weather is cooling off to sand her down, which will be nice.

This week at work is a little hectic, beind the end of the month. One of our techs gave his resignation, which is good, because he’s a horrible tech, and annoying. At least things are calming down at work.

Have a lot of little things to take care of this week, emissions extension, divorce papers, title for my bronco, tags for my other bronco, bills to pay. I just really want this week to be over already.

Had a good friend come to me yesterday because I’ve apparently upset his girlfriend enough, that in order to protect herself, she demanded to be able to ask me a bunch of questions about my friendship with her boyfriend. He didn’t even warn me, just put me on the spot. So I’ve had it. I’ve no interest in keeping drama prone people around to make things that much more stressful on me.

Attempting to get some of my shopping for the holidays done early and gradually instead of all at once. Though I’m having difficulty figuring out what to get an 11/12 year old (my sister). I know she’s into Bratz dolls and jewelry and whatever is “hip” for young teeny boppers these days. But I could still use some suggestions. I was never what you might call “trendy.” I always wore the torn jeans and band t-shirts in highschool.

I decided before work yesterday that I wanted to go outside and do some target practicing. So I took out the .22 and sat outside and shot at an old stump at 8am in the morning. I just wanted to be outside, really. Honestly I think the change from summer to fall is the most noticable of all the seasonal changes. And probably the most symbolic, at least to me.

Was really lagging at work, didn’t get much done. Apparently the regional manager will be there today, so I need to get -a lot- done. I did finally contact human resources about the raises, and I think they lit a fire under his ass for that. Amusing.

Electricity went off last night around 1am. I was already dead asleep from being so tired, but the sudden completely -silence- woke me up. I guess I’m not used to it, since we generally have fans or my computer going. It was actually quite refreshing. I lit a candle, woke my dad up and told him in case he needed to set an alarm. I set the alarm on my cellphone so I could get up in time for work. Then I went outside to see if any neighbors had theirs off as well. Everything was pitch dark, and so deathly silent besides the sounds of crickets, it was wonderful. I had to sit out there for a bit just to listen to it. Not long after the electricity came back on and I went back to bed. But I’m glad I was at least able to experience that.

Granted being woken up is now kicking my ass this morning, so I better start getting ready, can’t be late when the big boss is there.

This will probably be a small post, since I don’t really have much to say about the situation. But I felt it necessary to take a moment to recognize an old aquaintance who commited suicide a week ago, Derek Pagels from Champaign Illinois.

I didn’t know him in person, didn’t go to school with him or hang out with him. But we did spend time playing online video games together, since he went to school with Jeff. A friend of his more than anything.

Still it’s sad to know that someone you used to spend time with, even if only online, has reached a point in their life where they felt they could no longer bear witness to the living, and take their own life.

Everyone asks the same questions “Why?” but you’ll end up with the same answers each time. I imagine that Derek wasn’t a very popular fellow, often during our moments of Starcraft his local friends would pick on him playfully, including myself. But it was never in a harmful way.

And of course, everyone asks themselves if they could have done something to prevent it. These things aren’t predictable, there’s no way to judge whether someone is capable of suicide. Most attempts fail purposefully as a cry for attention. It’s the ones that don’t fail that you don’t suspect.

I think my suicide attempt in 1998 was a cry for attention. Though honestly I did try, and I bled a lot, and I was drunk. So perhaps in my dazed sense of reality I really did want to do it then. But I am so wonderfully grateful that I was too drunk to do it correctly, and I am so happy to be alive.

Either way, Derek, you are in my thoughts. I’m sorry if anything I ever said was offensive, and I enjoyed the time I was able to share with you. Perhaps we’ll meet up again some day, and next time, I will still kick your ass at Starcraft.

CedarLight Grove held its Mabon/Fall ritual yesterday. Small compared to our normal gatherings, but just as powerful. Honestly, I forgot to advertise it :(, but it was just as well. I was really happy to see Alison and spend some time with her since I don’t get to see her as often as I would like.

We actually did absolutely no planning or liturgic preperation this time. Originally we were attempting to go to a hindu temple in baltimore to attend a Puja for Mabon, but those plans fell through and will be reserved for a weekend that is not intended for a high rite. So we just gathered around the circle, and went from there.

It started out a little slow, because unfortunately the ritual was opened up allowing discussion between members concerning “Balance.” And we have some very long winded members who like to get their 2 cents in about what balance is, and then somehow politics and 9/11 got mentioned and Alison and I were just shaking our heads, probably wishing we were inside eating pumpkin pie.

So in order to break up the discussion, I decided to pull out my drum and carried a low rumbling heartbeat of sorts. Which usually helps keep the mood of ritual, that and it allows me to ignore everyone else. Eventually Andy and Rick joined in and Caryn stepped up and opened the gates so people would stop talking. That’s when things started getting really intense. I kept the steady drumbeat throughout the entire ritual, increasing the depth during important points, which made them seem more sacred in my opinion.

Everyone really enjoyed the ritual, and I really enjoyed the drumming. I don’t know why I don’t do it more at home, really the only time I drum is at these rituals/festivals/campouts.

Afterwords I stuffed myself on lots of good food (though I forgot to take any pie), and played a little guitar for everyone.

In other news, my bronco is shot. Apparently it’s been running on 6 cylinders instead of 8, and I’m not sure if it’s the rocker arms or my headers, but I’ll find out today when I take the valve covers off. Either way it’ll cost me something to fix. That and I have to figure out what’s going on with my front left tire. I keep hearing this metal scraping, and I know I probably need a new booster for my brakes.

We got a new back window for the new bronco, and I’m going to get that on the road this week and start driving that. Hopefully it’ll last me a while so I can work on my yellow one.

I had spoken with my military car insurance when I was trying to buy the mocha mustang, and they turned me down for the $8k loan. But for some reason I got a loan check in the mail today to use to buy a car. So I’m going to have to call them to find out if it was a fluke or what. Especially since I saw a bright pumpkin orange mustang for sale on the way to the Grove that I’m going to call about today. Most tacky and gaudy color I’ve ever seen, which fits me perfectly.

Update: Damn thing is 18k. Hate this anniversary bullshit.

Man I’ve spent too much money this week. But it was all semi-necessary, with a few gaudy things for myself. (I deserve it dammit!). Love having 4 digits in my savings, just keeps building up and up, and I try not to touch it as much as possible.

Just made a reservation at Sakura for the dinner next week with co-workers. Should be a lot of fun with at least 10 of us going. I really enjoyed their food the last time I was there, and my boss owes me a drink anyway.

Threw out a bunch of crap this week and took it to the dump, old furniture that I couldn’t salvage from when I lived in Virginia. Found tons of old pictures I’m going to go through and scan. I need to organize them all online anyway as backup. I’ll probably install Coppermine like I use on CLG’s website to organize them.

Going to the Grove this weekend for the Mabon ritual, very excited. Want to see two of our elders that have been sick as of late, and since our founder is back on a regular basis, I want to spend as much time with him as possible. Soon as I can get this other bronco on the road, I’ll start going down more regularly. Probably going to start working on that this weekend since I have off.

Season premier of CSI tonight, saw last years season finale again last night, which was kick ass. I’m in love with Gil Grissom. Why can’t there be any nerdy guys like that around here?

So I decided to pick things up and organize a few things in my life that have been tying me down lately. I made a list of a lot of the loose ends I want to go ahead and finish up. Finishing up some websites, cleaning out the garage of all the crap from when I lived with my ex-husband, etc. It actually feels great. I went and closed a bunch of Fanlistings today, old ones from when I used to staff there. I still have a few more to go through, but for some reason they are a little harder to let go of than they should be, which is annoying.

I went ahead and glued dads birthday present back together, and then I’ll sand it. If it still doesn’t want to cooperate, I’ll just shave it and have one side a smidgen shorter than the other. They will give me 50% off for keeping it, which is nice.

Work is going great, I’ve been keeping on top of things and haven’t been getting behind at all which is nice, since they are starting to slow down. My bills are all caught up, I’m keeping small balances on my credit cards (till the holidays anyway :P).

My dad said he saw another used mustang for sale, and he thinks the people that gave him his loan when his credit was bad should be able to give me one, so I left a message for a woman to call me back from there. I purchased his credit report for him today, and he’s really not as bad off as he and I originally thought. I’m trying to figure out a way I can help him pay off his one large debt. Perhaps an additional $100 a month from me will help get it taken care of.

Many of the web projects need to go or at least get to a point where they are easily maintained.

Either way, operation refurbished Crystal has initated.