I was “Little House on the Prairie” a lot, so a lot of times that setting ends up in my dreams.

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I got up at 7am to call out of work. Then proceeded to lay in bed for another hour and said “Fuck it” and got dressed and went to work till 7pm. I knew if I called out sick, it’d just fuck a lot of things up, and I’m too stubborn to do that.

Some days it sucks having to be relied on so much.

Came home, checked e-mail, started boiling chicken for some homemade mushroom quesadillas, which I promptly finished about 9pm, and now I’m tired, and don’t feel like doing anything.

I was so weak from my flu this weekend that I didn’t even prepare a lunch today. So my father, being the best dad in the world that he is, got up at 5am and made me spaghetti to take for lunch.

This is the continuous problem I have, lack of motivation and time to get things done. I am starting to see the benefit of frozen dinners, but they are just so gross.

Perhaps going to bed earlier, in order to get up earlier will give me time in the morning to get things done.

And daily meditations/yoga/bellydance? Pfft, right out the window. Haven’t done that in a few weeks.

Maybe I need some vitamins.

I’ve noticed I don’t even do my own Witches Weekly’s.

What do you think is the greatest obstacle of your spiritual growth, and how can you overcome it?
I think concentration and time are two main factors that prevent me from really delving into my spiritual side. I have yet to figure out how to allow myself more time to do the things I enjoy (though not having a car that isn’t older than me was preventing me from going places too), but also how to relax my mind enough that I can concentrate on what I want to get done. I’m trying to tie up so many loose ends so I have more room for things that are important to me. Like the dedicants program, or involving myself in ADF more in general.

The motivation is just not there when I have the time. When time presents itself, it’s like I want to veg, because I’m always so busy.

It’s just a big crazy cycle.

This article on Witches Voice goes into a lot of the “warrior” aspect of paganism. Well, mostly it’s about how the author, who is a martial artist, has met a lot of resistance in the pagan community due to his interest in what they consider “violence.”

I can’t say I’ve run across any of that type of resistance, though I’m sure it’s out there. There are fundamental pagans just like there are fundamental christians. I myself always followed a strong warrior and pioneering path in my spirituality. People think it’s cruel that I hunt, they’d never do it themselves, but it puts food on my table for the winter, and a hide to keep me warm. Hunting itself is a very spiritual thing for me. It’s almost like a battle of survival between me and a beast, and the ability to overcome that, respectfully. They are afterall, my brothers.

Marital arts can be a very spiritual experience. I took two different types for several years before I turned hellian, and I had a lot of respect for myself, and my studies. It’s something I’d like to get into again, for the discipline, both physically and mentally. But does it make me a violent pagan because of it? Does the fact that I hunt mean that I am not walking a true pagan path? The answer is simply…….No.

I’m sick, it’s cold, so don’t expect much.

But I did manage to take a few:

Specs:
2004 Mustang
6-Cylinder
Manual Transmission
40th Anniversary Edition
Black Exterior
Beige Interior
(will get the rest later)

So I was talking to some of my staff on Advent about how I’m reorganizing the membership structure for the Grove. And we came across how Red Oak Grove has a banished category.

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I think my biggest life lesson that I’ve yet to overcome, yet am increasingly aware of it’s blatant involvement in various stages, is learn to shut the fuck up. I have the uncanny knack of inserting my foot in my mouth and either 1. Not noticing, or 2. Not giving a shit.

The opposite of this problem, is other peoples inability to calm the fuck down. People make mistakes, if you want to go through life hating anyone who has ever said something that offended you or disagreed with you, you’ll spend 80% of your existance angry and upset.

Wouldn’t you rather be happy?

If you can’t tell, I’ve probably pissed someone off recently.

In other news, I have passed the climax of this cold, I think. At least my eyes don’t feel so full of pressure that I can’t open them or look like I’m weeping uncontrollably. I will insert a direct Vitamin C and Zinc IV into my vein and see if I don’t feel well enough to drive my new car to Baltimore tomorrow to visit the Grove.

I’ve calmed down a bit about the new car. I figure the payments are 1/4 of my monthly income, that’s really not bad. And I have to take responsibility for a new vehicle at some point anyway, what better time then when I’m not paying any large monthly bills? And as I’m sure everyone is sick of hearing about the new vehicle in my life, I will make one obligatory picture post later today, and be done with it. Well……besides a few random notations about how different it is to drive a new car as opposed to a big 4×4 that is older than I am.

A friend of my fathers passed away on Wednesday. One of his best friends…an old farmer about 80 years old that he went to eat breakfast with several times a week at the old country restaurant. He had been on dialysis for a while now, but when he came home from it on Wednesday, he sat down in his favorite chair, took two deep breaths, and died.

It was a shock to everyone because he had been doing so well after breaking his hip in December. He was walking around on a cane, his spirits were up, my father was going to go to breakfast with him the next day. And his body just….gave out.

My father has been talking about him a lot……I can tell when he starts tearing up. It really gets to me, because I never want my father to cry about anything and will do anything in my power to prevent it. The viewing is today, my father will be one of the casket carrier people in the funeral tomorrow.

I hope this weekend is a relaxing one. I need it.

I have a new tenant this week, known as Mystickal Incense, which is a personal and business blog of Stephanie, who handmakes all types of incense and such. Feel free to give her lots of attention while I attempt to give her some traffic.

I’m actually kinda excited that she bid to be placed here, since she has pagan roots just like me.