Life in General
The past few days while I recover from the flu, I have been granted a lot of empty time throughout my days to think. Since I am physically unable to do any major labor or end up in a coughing fit, most of what I can do is relax.
It is during this time that I become very depressed, thinking about the current direction in my life. I am very unhappy. No real specific reason, I am just unhappy. I do not make a lot of money, I do not partake in a lot of my hobbies or interests. I simply work, and exist.
I am in a long distance relationship that is very limiting, but it gives me so many good feelings, and he is just so completely wonderful, I can’t help myself. There are times where I want things to move forward for us, but I am learning to be patient. I only hope he is just as patient with me.
I know in 5 years I would like to move me and my father out of here, but will I be capable? Am I going to keep on taking care of my father a few years from now? Will I be prepared for having to take on a lot of the things he does on a daily basis, such as feeding our animals. Keeping our wood supply in stock for the woodstove. Fixing our trucks when they are broken down.
Perhaps I am very lonely. My father and a few friends are all I have right now, and I should be satisfied with that. But for some reason my mind keeps dwelling on the moment where I do not have that anymore.
The thought of having to get used to being alone scares me, but I feel compelled to start now and save myself the heartache later.
I don’t know, I think I am just in a depressive mode right now. I hope it will go away soon.
Entry viewed times. Posted in Dad, General
5 Responses to “Life in General”
February 12th, 2006 at 10:34 pm
Hey now. Never give up. That’s when the really bad things start to happen in your mind. A short word of advice, (And I know coming from me, that may not be alot) Don’t focus on what you won’t have anymore. That’s what causes depression. Instead, take great joy in the things you have now. The moment when they’re not there anymore is a threat that looms over everyone, but think about the friends you have now, and what they’d do to stay your friend for as long as possible. No real friend of yours will ever abandon you, ever.
And should the unthinkable happen, and someone isn’t there anymore, you’ll make new friends. You seem to me like the type who would easily attract friends. They won’t take the place of those who are lost, but you won’t be alone.
As for the depression, (I really don’t mean to preach or anything, just speaking from experience on a secret war I’ve been fighting myself) you need to focus on the goals you have set for yourself. Eyes on the prize, and all that.
One last little secret, don’t be afraid to cry. That little trick right there has kept me from erupting at innocent people around me. Made me feel alot better, too.
I know that I probably haven’t said anything you didn’t already know, but sometimes you just need to see or hear it to be reminded.
Well, that’s enough rambling from me. So I guess the only thing left to do is wish you a speedy recovery. Which I do. A bunch. That’s right, I wish you well a bunch.
February 13th, 2006 at 1:13 am
you have animals, but do you have a pet? sometimes that bond will help keep the loneliness away.
February 13th, 2006 at 11:49 am
Bad winter weather has a way of making everyone feel “isolated”. Don’t worry! It will be spring soon and you’ll be able to enjoy the outdoors again, and I betcha most of these feelings you’ve been having will disappear! Keep your head up!
February 13th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
I do have a dog, and I do love him dearly. I think I’m just going stir crazy. I feel a lot better today now that I’m back at work. I still want to figure out what all I’d like to do in my life and actually start doing it.
February 15th, 2006 at 3:16 pm
It’s hard being in a long distance relationship, but it’s so worth it.
Hang in there.