The Work of Praise
I just read through a lot of my employment archives over the last 5 years or so, looking up entries to link to for various things.
My employment history has been a constant wave of ups and downs. Things always start out so great, and then inevitably, something happens that ruins it completely.
Like working for the vet, I was so excited and absolutely loved the job and the hours. Then I get fired for a mistake, only to get hired again a year later when they realize it’s not my fault. I was equally as excited to be hired back, until my co-workers found my journal and essentially forced me to leave. Granted this is during a time where Blogs/Journals aren’t the norm yet.
During that year hiatus, I get a job at another vet, and fired a month later because the previous vet called this one and somehow got me fired because I was fired -there- first.
Then I go to work for Terminix. Absolutely thrilled about this job, but worried that I wasn’t smart enough to do it. Turns out I was over-qualified and (in my opinion) propelled our branch beyond what its expectations were as far as organization. Then a co-worker started to get jealous because I was getting praise, and she was getting in trouble for not doing her job. She tries to get me fired, fails, and instead does even worse at her job so that I have to clean up her mess, which essentially pisses me off that I leave.
Now I’m at another job I love, but it scares me. It scares me because the type of employment and work that we do, doesn’t make me feel irreplaceable. Granted you can be replaced at any job, but it feels moreso at this one, because everyone here is so much smarter than me. I feel inferior to my co-workers, and I’m not used to that at all. I’ve always felt on par and needed.
And I don’t harbor this fear for myself, or the fact that I wouldn’t have a job. I’m scared because now, as opposed to 5 or so years ago, I -have- to support my father. I can’t just “lose a job” now without it causing some damage. I have a decent savings that I’m building on for security purposes, but it will probably still scare me for a while.
I have this habit I’ve started, where I save all emails from various co-workers giving praise or pats on the back for good work. I’ve even created a little collage of some of these emails, to reflect on so I don’t get down about my job here. A reminder to work hard and make yourself an asset to the company, so that you don’t have these fears and doubts plaguing your mind everyday. So that your time here is enjoyable, and doesn’t end up like the rest. So that when the time comes for you to move on, you can do so comfortably.
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One Response to “The Work of Praise”
June 21st, 2007 at 7:07 pm
[…] because I’m surrounded by such intelligent people and feel infinitely inferior. And given my past experiences with employment, who can blame […]