It was a rough day.

I couldn’t get the issue of my sister out of my head, obviously. But I was also met with a generic email to the office about issues with people neglecting company policy, leaving too early, visiting too many personal websites, etc. And, already being in the emotional stupor that I was, I just took every last letter to heart.

So of course, I cried again. I think it was mainly left over from last night, but it happened anyway. I felt like shit the entire day, I felt like I was at risk of losing my job, I felt like I was never going to be able to talk to my sister again, I felt like I was too stupid to even be working at this company.

I really wish I understood depression. I’m not normally a depressed person. I laugh a lot, the past year has been absolutely fantastic, I’ve been accomplishing my goals and saving money and making plans. But goddamn if there aren’t just times where I I’m completely miserable.

I really shouldn’t have taken the work email to heart. I did bust my ass today, which made me feel good. But I can’t help but feel insecure about whether I’m considered an asset or not. I really want to learn programming so I can help out in numerous areas rather than just the HTML/CSS portion.

Javascript will probably be my first choice, and php. If anyone has any good starter sites or tutorials, I could sure use them.

On March 24, 2007, there supposed to be a Shutdown Day which is essentially a day where people unplug their computer for a day. I don’t believe it’s anything to benefit the environment, but more of a way to tell if you’re addicted to your computer or not.

I’d miss my computer, yes, but I could certainly shut down. I’ve done it involuntarily many times when my computer crashed a few years back and when I go camping (which is actually a nice break from the digital world).

I would have a problem with not being able to catch up with the various friends (and my MUD) for a certain length of time, like a week, but my life would not be over because I didn’t have a computer. In fact it may improve with less responsibility.

Perhaps I just think it’s silly that so many people are dependant on such things. Of course I feel that way about many things (girls that require 10,000 pairs of shoes, make-up, etc).

Give me a break

This link is interesting because it allows you to input your age, and see what other people have accomplished at that age. You’re never to old, or to young, to accomplish your goals.

This weekend was fairly productive, accented with a blizzard that moved in today. While outside admiring the pretty painted whiteness, my hawk, Comanche, decided to pay a visit on a nearby tree. I didn’t get any really good pictures though, damn branches.

I upgraded 4 different forums from old software that was no longer being updated as the company went completely commercial with their forum software, to a free software that -is- being developed, and is more secure (complete with captcha registration). This took several hours to convert all 4 forums, but in the end I think it’ll prevent tons of problems they were having previously. (If you’re looking for some free well-developed forum software, check out: simplemachines.org.)

I scanned in a bunch of Grove documents into .pdf format and hacked away at organizing the website files as well as the witan notes I have. I scrubbed the bathroom. And I did something that I kept debating with myself whether I should do or not. I deleted all 2,282 emails that have been sitting in my “Sent” folder to go through (just in case I needed them), and moved all 993 documents from my Inbox into a “_TOGOTHROUGH” folder, to which I’ve gone through so far reducing down to 529 emails. I’ll continue to hack away at these emails, complete tasks that have just been sitting there, and eventually delete the folder entirely.

I read somewhere that suggested moving everything out of your inbox into a separate folder, because it will make you more inclined to go through new documents coming in, in order to keep that inbox clear. And it’s definitely right. I no longer feel overwhelmed with a huge list of things “to be done” when checking my email, as it’s all tightly compacted away in its own folder. A folder which I can go through at my leisure to complete tasks. I’ve also rid myself of any obligation to respond to old emails that were missed. There’s no need to worry about them anymore anyway.

Thai Tea Recipe From Scratch

1 gallon water
8 Chinese star anise, ground
1 tablespoon orange flowers
1 tablespoon powdered vanilla
1 pinch of clove powder
1 pinch chopped cinnamon
3/4 quart long cut China black tea leaves
1 to 2 cups sugar
1 quart half & half
red food coloring
crushed ice

Boil water. Add star anise, orange flowers, vanilla, clove, cinnamon, and tea leaves to boiling water. Continue boiling for 3 to 5 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Cover and allow to steep until luke warm. Strain, and add sugar to taste. Serve in a clear glass over plenty of crushed ice. Top with half & half.

Traditional Variation: Substitute coconut milk for half & half.
Decaffeinated Variation: Substitute decaffeinated tea leaves.
Low-fat Variation: Substitute evaporated milk or rice milk for half & half.
Natural Variation: Substitute unrefined cane sugar for refined sugar and beet powder for food coloring.

Think of this as purely hypothetical (though the situation itself isn’t).

If you ordered a product from a large name company (lets say Microsoft just for the example, maybe even Windows Vista), and not only did you receive the product, but you recieved two by accident. And the second one is an expensive and upgraded version than the one you originally ordered.

Would you send the second one back? Would you keep it and save the lesser version as a backup? Would you give it away?

And for the ADFers, do you feel that keeping this product is a negotiation of the Integrity virtue?

I’d like honest thoughts, please.

And as a side note, if it were money, especially an individual’s money, I’d definitely return it. But the specific point here is a product from a large conglomerate.

[Download] (about 43megs, full album)
Artist: John Coltrane
Album: Lush Life
About: While the majority of my musical library consists of metal and tribal music, I have a deep appreciation for music as a whole. Sometimes I like listening to classical and even jazz and blues. John Coltrane was way before my time (1926-1967), but his trendy jazz music is still being released. And for some reason, saxaphone music makes me think of Jessica Rabbit and smokey bars from the 30’s. With good reason I’m sure. Sometimes it’s just nice to relax from screeching guitars and body thumping tribal rhythms.

Next time I might part with some Soulfly. Not that I’m sure if anyone even downloads any of these

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