I just got back from dinner, and there’s a lot going through my head.

It wasn’t a -bad- dinner, I guess. She offered to pay, which was fine with me. She didn’t ask any demeaning questions about my religion or anything like that, probably because my sister was there.

I don’t know, I thought I went to the dinner to try and figure out what she was up to, but I couldn’t sense anything. There were no hints or ulterior motives. It was just….dinner.

Obviously I won’t ignore the fact that this is the same woman who only 6 months ago was threatening to sue me and calling me a devil-worshipper. Or that this woman is capable of relentless lying and scheming. Or that I haven’t even been around her for more than 10 minutes in probably 8 years.

But in a way it was still very sad. She has aged a lot in the last 8 years, moreso than she probably would if she wasn’t under all the stress of this custody battle. She could barely walk, mostly just hobbling side to side, using my sister for support when stepping down from a curb. She had a hard time reading small print, and I could notice all of the new wrinkles and aging in her complexion than I remember from highschool. It was hard to make eye contact, and I didn’t do it as much as possible. It made me uncomfortable.

It gave me a lot of conflicting thoughts. Here is a woman who was a vile human being to her first born, had a great job which she threw away, had several marriages, gave herself up, and now she’s all alone. Living rent-free with her 70 year old father, working part-time for $8/hour, knowing every single day that her first child despises her.

It’s almost like watching a rabid dog sitting in a cage. You know it’s evil and you want nothing to do with it, but at the same time you sympathize with the poor suffering beast. It’s confusing. And I don’t know if I should feel guilty or just sad. I won’t allow myself to feel guilty because I did nothing wrong, but I don’t know if I can be forgiving, and I know I can’t forget.

When we left, my mother asked for a hug. I leaned down and gave her a small one, and glanced over at my sister, who was smiling. Smiling because no doubt she was happy that she thinks things will begin to repair themselves between my mother and I.

That left me even more confused. I just don’t think they will.

I’m having a bad day.

I woke up this morning to $105 in fees on my account. Not something I wanted to see, but the “relationship banker” at my bank is supposed to call me sometime today to help straighten this out.

The dinner with my mother is tonight, which in itself makes this a horrible day. But in her email she also states that she “wasn’t going to tell me yet but my 13 year old sister has a mass in her throat.” Luckily she had another test this morning and she’s normal, but they are trying to figure out what’s wrong with her and why she’s sick all the time.

I don’t know why she has such a hard time, like when she was temporarily paralyzed from the neck down after falling off a balance beam in gymnastics. That scared me to my wits end.

I never had these sort of problems growing up.

A Work Conversation (this is after 3 people were fighting over me to work on their stuff, not literal fighting):

CoWorker (11:30:56 AM): Ok I said within the hour
Me (11:31:08 AM): What’s within the hour?
CoWorker (11:31:25 AM): That you’ll be done
Me (11:31:31 AM): oh my GOSH
Me (11:31:32 AM): okay
Me (11:47:15 AM): Jamie has work for me to do too, but I put her off till next week.
CoWorker (11:47:35 AM): Haha
CoWorker (11:47:50 AM): Isn’t your review coming up soon?
Me (11:48:01 AM): I hope not, I don’t want people thinking I can’t keep up!
Me (11:48:14 AM): btw j00r sites are done
CoWorker (11:48:18 AM): Actually I was thinking quite the opposite
CoWorker (11:48:37 AM): It’s pretty impressive how you keep up
CoWorker (11:48:54 AM): I’d expect nothing but good things from your review

I’ve been reading the Life Training Blog for about a month now. It’s a blog that gives decent lifehacking tips and ideas, and gives a lot of wellness insight. Like the John Chow Wii Contest, this contest requires you to post a specific paragraph of text with some set links in order to enter. Only this contest lets you win a cash price or various iPODs (you can guess which I’ll be going for). The blurb is as follows:

“Life Training - Online, a blog dedicated to self improvement and personal development is hosting a free raffle where you can win an 80GB iPod Video! Read this post to learn how you can enter.”

The more contests people hold, the more lucrative some of these blogs are turning out to be. Lets just hope I win one

So apparently my dad probably did not have food poisoning, it just mimmicked the symptoms/ailments but lasted a lot longer. And now I have it.

Had to leave work early because I couldn’t function, was in a -lot- of pain on the drive home. Brought some work home and am going to try and remote desktop in to do whatever work needs to be done. No clue if I’ll be in tomorrow. My dad at least feels somewhat better, but you can still hear the weakness in his voice. He’s at the store right now getting me gatorade and the usual.

blech.

My poor father has food poisoning.

I’ve got the woodstove fired up because he’s cold and achy, I’ve been keeping his cup filled with water and two blankets over him. I’m probably going to stay up late to make sure he’s okay, and get up early to bring in some firewood since we are out inside the house. I’m hoping he feels somewhat better tomorrow morning so I feel better about going into work. Unfortunately he was supposed to do a side job tomorrow for some extra cash, but now that will be money out of our pockets.

Today was a beautiful day otherwise. I spent several hours outside under the sun, mostly laying in the leaves planning my garden for this year. Of course I had the normal chores and finished projects.

It started out as a nice calm weekend. They are always too short.

If you’re like me, the majority of your clutter is paper. For me, it’s all kinds of paper clutter that causes me the most stress and creates havoc in my living space. From receipts to be documented, magazine subscriptions, to post-it notes I’ve plastered everywhere with reminders and ideas. Even having to keep track of a paper datebook is too much for me, where instead it will remain lost in the abyss of the unknown after only being a few days old.

However, for me it is absolutely critical to have an easy way to make notations and document information, otherwise short-term memory loss sets in, and the task at hand is forgotten for weeks, maybe even months. (And I’m only 26!). So what do you do to end the paper clutter yet still retain the ability to quickly keep track of your notations?

Fortunately 2007 promises to be the epitome of digitalized euphoria And for this, I am very grateful.

1. Eliminating the Datebook. Who wants to lug around a datebook all the time anyway? What happens if you forget it? Are you completely lost without it? Google Calendar is my savior when it comes to keeping track of my schedule. Not only does it eliminate the possibility of forgetting my datebook, but also having to carry it around with me everywhere.

2. Eliminating the Check Registry. I’ve never used a check registry in my life. I think I tried when I was 16, and it lasted about a week before I’d forget to put purchases in there anyway. Instead, when I make a purchase I put the receipt in my wallet, and when I get home I put the transaction in MS Money. That way I always know exactly how much I am spending, I have a list of upcoming bills, I can calculate income vs expenses and view pie charts of my transactions easily.

The problem with using MS Money is you are unable to access your transactions outside of your computer. However there are other alternatives such as Wesabe, Buddhi, and Clear Checkbook that let you keep track of your transactions online. Not to mention most banking sites also allow you to login to see you recent transactions in a pinch.

3. Optimize your Blog Reading Time. There are several blogs I read on a daily basis, but visiting all of them can be a hassle when I’m in a bind. Instead I use Google Reader to keep track of all of them in one tightly wrapped package. Not many people take advantage of RSS feeds yet, but they are invaluable for blog enthusiasts. They are like your very own “Buddy List” of blogs. (I may expand on this later)

4. Eliminating the Post-It Notes. I still carry a small pad of paper in my purse for when I’m in the car or don’t have access to a computer. But I no longer keep post-it notes pasted around my monitor. Instead I use a program called Sticky Pad, which lets me create color-coded post-it notes and have them display over my documents, or remain on my taskbar for later. Having easy accessibility is crucial for me, otherwise I will forget things quickly. A few other sticky note programs include, ATnotes and Stickies.

5. Eliminate paper Todo Lists. These tend to pile up, and like post-it notes, are just unattractive. Keeping your Todo list online, like the others, allows you to access it from anywhere. Programs like Todoist and Remember the Milk are great ways to keep track of everything you wanted to do today or this week.

6. Eliminate the Diet Journal. Keeping any form of paper journal is a task in itself. Being able to keep track and calculate calories on your computer is far easier. Fitday.com lets you keep track of what you eat online. Whether I’m at work or at home, I can easily put in the foods I eat on a daily basis and get a calculation of calories eaten as well as burned in my daily activity.

7. Creating Documents Online. I don’t really create many documents, everything I write up is usually posted in a blog of some kind. But I can’t ignore the usefulness of Google Docs. You can create .pdf’s of your documents by just clicking and saving, with an easy-to-use interface and the best part, online storage.

What do you think it means? (The Canary Effect)

View the trailer on Myspace too.