The weekend was less than par. My ideal weekend is spent alone, maybe a trip out of the house down to the Grove or out with some friends. But for some reason, I don’t enjoy having people over my house a lot. I like a nice quiet weekend where I can do chores, catch up on projects, read a book, enjoy the sunshine.

I went to my cousins babyshower on Saturday, as mentioned. It was interesting, very feminine. I didn’t really get to talk to her with all the mothers and women fighting for her attention, but I came back up on Sunday and we got to sit down and chit chat about various things.

I’m actually quite impressed with my cousin. I’ve always thought of her as just a youngling, but over the past few years she’s really grown up into a young woman with a good head on her shoulders. It makes me very proud of her, and I hope that she stays that way. I hope that I’ve helped in some way, but even if I haven’t, it’s good to know that she and I are so much alike as far as the world and how things should be.

On the other hand, I just found out another cousin of mine on my father’s side of the family has moved out, quit both of her jobs, and isn’t making payments on her brand new truck because she got into a fight with her mother. I can’t say I’m too impressed there, but people have to make their mistakes I guess.

How different the webs we weave are.

In other news, I watched “An Inconvenient Truth” today. I actually enjoyed it a lot, so much that I took it with me when I went back over my cousin’s, hoping they would also watch it. But being the very religious sort, it didn’t turn out very good. I was actually insulted at how tossed aside the very idea of the movie was, because the environment should be an important issue to everyone. At least you’d think anyway. But the general consensus was “We can’t do anything about it anyway.”

Well, actually, we can. And I’m really not interested in hearing other peoples theories trying to contradict the idea of global warming. I firmly believe in it, and I intend to do what I can to soften the footprint I leave on the Earth.

I guess it’s just frustrating to see people ignore the environment so much. It makes me wonder if they would ignore it if they had no more trees or parks or their drinking water was more expensive and more of a commodity than transportation or fuel or something like that. I guess it has to be too late before they care.

In trying to repair the relationship my mother has damaged between me and my 13 year old sister, I’ve found myself thrown into pre-teen follies.

I love my sister like she was my own child. I feel like I raised her. When she was born, I was 14, just finishing middle school, and I stayed home a lot in order to take care of her while our mother healed. I changed the diapers, I mixed the formula, I played a big part of the “mother” role at a young age. I was even allowed to leave school early during my freshman year, so that I could go home to take care of my sister everyday. Sorta like a “housewife work-leave” excuse.

My sister is coming over today, my theory is mostly to try out World of Warcraft. Which is fine with me, it’s all the rage, and I certainly don’t play it much anymore. She’s playing it because the “guy soon 2 be her bf” plays, and I’ve noticed she talks about her “bf’s” lightly. Last week it was some other guy. Our AIM conversations revolve around her pre-teen issues, and all I can do is offer simple and thoughtful input and advice, for these are not things I dealt with at her age. Luckily I can read people very well.

She also wants me to play Runescape with her. I have absolutely no interest in playing Runescape, but I relish in the idea of something that she and I can do together. I enjoy games, she’s just getting into games (though she is limited because mother only has AOL dial-up). I wish I could get her more interested in my MUD, but I’m afraid she will only grow bored until we are into beta.

I guess I feel like I’m grasping at straws to figure out a way for us to reconnect as sisters. She’s grown out of the “My sister is the only one to protect me and I want to live with her” stage to “I want to live with mom because she lets me get away with everything and has internet.”

Perhaps it was our method of growing up that has made us so different. On one hand, I grew up in a completely “country” setting, and though I did get an Atari and Nintendo when it first came out, I was not mixed up in a lot of material items. I played in the mud, I played with farm animals, I was not given a lot of luxuries. I can’t say that we were poor, we were middle to lower class. Just making ends meet.

My sister, however, already has her own computer, a cellphone, an mp3 player, and whatever other gadgets you can think of that are “must have.” She’s grown up in Suburbia, she’s heavily into boys, drama, clothes and make-up. Though I like to think that keeping her exposed to me and my lifestyles and ideals will continue to instill her with a more appreciative concept of life and nature in general.

This summer I’d like to take her to a zoo, and maybe Cunningham Falls. I’d also like to take her on a camping trip that does not involve a circle of campers and frivolities. And I’d appreciate any other feedback on what sort of activities can help distract a pre-teen mind from societal brainwashing

It was a rough day.

I couldn’t get the issue of my sister out of my head, obviously. But I was also met with a generic email to the office about issues with people neglecting company policy, leaving too early, visiting too many personal websites, etc. And, already being in the emotional stupor that I was, I just took every last letter to heart.

So of course, I cried again. I think it was mainly left over from last night, but it happened anyway. I felt like shit the entire day, I felt like I was at risk of losing my job, I felt like I was never going to be able to talk to my sister again, I felt like I was too stupid to even be working at this company.

I really wish I understood depression. I’m not normally a depressed person. I laugh a lot, the past year has been absolutely fantastic, I’ve been accomplishing my goals and saving money and making plans. But goddamn if there aren’t just times where I I’m completely miserable.

I really shouldn’t have taken the work email to heart. I did bust my ass today, which made me feel good. But I can’t help but feel insecure about whether I’m considered an asset or not. I really want to learn programming so I can help out in numerous areas rather than just the HTML/CSS portion.

Javascript will probably be my first choice, and php. If anyone has any good starter sites or tutorials, I could sure use them.

6:29pm - My dad answers the phone, not realizing who is calling and when someone asks for me, he says I’m right here. Little did he know, it was my mother.

She invited me and my father out to dinner tomorrow. Obviously I said no (I actually said I had plans), so she said she would see if we can go out next weekend.

6:35pm - Someone calls while I’m on the phone with my sweetheart, I don’t switch over because I don’t hang up for anyone when I’m talking with my sweetheart.

6:41pm - Mom calls again (I checked the caller I.D. this time) only it was my sister calling to leave a message that my mom wants to go buy groceries and come over to cook dinner for me and my father sometime.

6:46pm - Sister calls again from her fathers cellphone (they are all three going out to dinner tonight at Sakura apparently). Didn’t leave a message this time though.

I don’t know -what- to think. But she has -got- to be up to something. We haven’t spoken since the legendary myspace incident.

There’s something fishy going on. She’s gotta be up to something.

My sister left not long ago. She spent the entire day playing Runescape today after we opened her gifts. She enjoyed the organic stuff I got her, the gift card to Wal-Mart, and some of her favorite canned sausage gravy she likes to eat for breakfast. She got me a very beautiful crystal lotus candle holder that I imagine will sparkle awesomely when lit.

My dad gave me my bow this morning, and it is a -gorgeous- recurve. Stained dark brown with a mixture of dark green. The string might need to be replaced soon, but I have one! I was also examining my bearskin this morning, and it’s even got the claws on it. It’s very nice, a small black bear that someone had abandoned at my uncles shop.

We’ll open the rest of our gifts tomorrow, and I’m definitely playing with the bow tomorrow. I need to get some hay bales and some new arrows, but that can come later. I haven’t actually shot one of these for many many years :x.

Though I enjoy the nice warm weather we are having, it just puts a damper on the holiday spirit. I’m hoping for some snow or something. I was walking around barefoot this morning, listening to the holiday music my dad plays for his chickens (we have spoiled chickens), and it was very relaxing.

Happy childhood memories to all, whatever you celebrate.

My sister and I just got back from the Yule ritual at the Grove. She was really reluctant to go, considering all that’s happened with our mother since August. She even said during ritual she’d read a book inside and not participate. But not only did she participate, she took pictures, passed around the guestbook, won 3 items at the raffle, helped with dishes, ate wonderful food, and even told me she had a great time.

The ritual was great, as always. I told them not to, but when honoring deeds done at the Grove, my Grovemates decided to honor me for the various web innanities that I’ve done for them and Ecumenicon. We raised a lot of money for the Grove, and even our Pursewarden sent out letters to every ADF Grove telling about our deeds to the local pagan community, and through that we’ve raised over $1400 so far. And I’m sure it will continue to grow (considering I just got my letter yesterday).

Thanks to all the ADF Groves that have donated so far. Special thanks to the Archdruid for his large donation to the cause, for which we are forever thankful.

I wish I could have stayed longer, but my sister wanted to go home. I was able to get lots of hugs from Mark and Joe, whom I don’t get to see as often as I’d like.

The ritual was done in a norse style. We’ve started a tradition for the last 3 Yules to do a 24 hour vigil. With the main portion of the ritual done at 6pm, then another small vigil at midnight, and then closing the ritual at 6am the next morning. Granted it’s not exactly 24 hours, but it’s a long time to stay up and honor the Gods. We sang some pagan solstice carols, drank a lot, and I had a great time.

When I got home, I found a big complete blackbear skin on my bed. I’m guessing my dad got it from my uncle, which also means I probably have my bow now too.

Yesterday from a client, we all received our own bottles of “Willm Cremant d’Alsace Brut“, which through some search is apparently: “A Still Wine. An easy-drinking sparkler. Quite frothy with light tones of honey and candied fruit.” A nice sentiment I will probably save it for Christmas Day with my dad. I’ve drank a lot of mead, but I don’t think I’ve ever had wine.

This Saturday we’re having our Winter Solstice ritual at the Grove. In a way I’m looking forward to it, for the spiritual aspect. But in another way, I’m not. Mostly the moving watching and such that people intend to do all night. But I will be attempting to immerse myself into this ritual more.

My sister also called last night and asked to come over this weekend. I told her that I’d be going to a ritual on Saturday, just to warn her, but she wanted to come anyway. I’m hoping this doesn’t blow up in my face like last time.

Dad has baked over 100 dozen cookies. I dunno why he bakes so much, but he enjoys it so… We give them away as gifts, and I’m sure I will bring plenty to work to give away. They’re just so…tempting.

Things on the MUD are progressing enormously well. It’s weird. I had originally opened into alpha phase, with the sole intention of mostly doing some code/system testing with some roleplay inbetween. But the players have completely kickstarted the entire thing into fully operational, complete with fantastic character development and roleplay. It’s actually concerned me a little bit because I’m not sure I have the staff to be able to keep up, but we’re doing alright so far. Plus an old staff member came back recently, whose roleplay is admirable.

I haven’t even advertised yet and we’re already up to 131 pfiles, which is probably about 15 regular players, their alts and a bunch of folks who stopped by but don’t want to or don’t think they can play yet. I’m looking at spring to advance into beta testing and actually start advertising for players.

I’ll be starting my cherokee II classes in January, and I’ve been playing the guitar more. I suppose it would do me good to learn how to actually read music. So that’s on the menu.

Huzzah for being busy.